


What May Come

by 2painted4u



Category: The 100 (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-27 16:17:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15028418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2painted4u/pseuds/2painted4u
Summary: Starts right after 5x05.  After 6 years, Bellamy and Clarke must think about what they mean to each other.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 

                They were back at the bunker. Clarke and Madi had been given shelter in one of the empty living quarters.   Madi was curled up next to Clarke, fast asleep.  The previous few nights were the only ones they had ever spent apart from each other and Clarke had felt as if a part of her was missing. Now she was back, safe right beside her.  Clarke smiled down at the girl as she pulled some hair from her face.  She’d never known she could feel such overwhelming love for someone.  Everything Bellamy had ever done had been to protect his sister It was something she’d always understood.  But it wasn’t until Madi had come along that she’d _really_ understood. That she got it.  Because there wasn’t a thing in the world that she wouldn’t do for this girl who’d become ingrained in her heart.

                Clarke sighed and slid the blanket up over Madi’s shoulders.  Getting  up from the bunk, she crossed the few feet to the other side of the quarters to her own bed.  She threw off her jacket, pulled the covers back and slipped her feet underneath. Clarke stared up at the dark ceiling, wondering not for the first time, what it had been like to be trapped here for 6 years.   Under the floor.  That was how Octavia had lived almost her entire life. Hidden away, kept secret from everyone else.  She’d had a taste at true freedom just to have had it ripped away again. To be thrown back into the darkness.  Octavia survived hiding on the Ark due to fear.  But down here, she’d thrived due to loyalty and leadership.  What would have crushed anyone else, had only made her stronger.  But it had also done something else to Octavia. Something Clarke couldn’t quite define.

                Clarke finally closed her eyes and tried to sleep.  Instead of falling into that peaceful slumber she so wished for, flashes of the past few days shot across her closed eyelids.  The shadow of an angel materializing from the darkness and the sound of a voice she’d almost forgotten.  Those eyes that had haunted her dreams for 6 years meeting hers and conveying so much with just 2 words. _She is._   The sound of his feet pounding on the ground as he ran to her. His warm hands on her body as he helped her up and hugged her tightly.  Hearing that all her friends had made it.  The heart and the head.  But most of all, the image that refused to leave her head. The one that replayed over and over again.  Echo running into Bellamy’s arms.  _Kissing_ him.

                Clarke let out an exasperated breath and turned to face the wall.  Why wouldn’t that image leave her alone?  Why did she keep dwelling on it?  Of all the things that had happened over the past few days, why was it that one thing that she couldn’t get off her mind?  Why couldn’t she focus on the happiness she had felt when she’d first seen Bellamy? Or at meeting up with old friends?  After 6 years with only Madi at her side, she should be overjoyed to have everyone back.  Of course she was happy but there was also something else.  Some other emotion she couldn’t really figure out. Something she thought she’d felt before but couldn’t quite remember when.

                Clarke tossed and turned for another hour before finally sitting up. Shooting a glance at Madi sound asleep, she got up from the bed.  Opening the door as quietly as she could, she slipped outside.  The hallways intersected several times but she navigated them until she reached the opening they had dug out as an easy entry to the bunker.  Stepping outside meant taking in the smell of rubble, dust and campfires spread throughout the city.  She missed the smell of fresh air from Shallow Valley.  Her home.  This wasn’t how she had imagined things would turn out.  The prisoner ship had changed everything.  She’d thought about this so many times but this scenario had never played out in her mind.  Never would she have thought they would survive the end of the world just to start another war.  Would it ever stop?

                Clarke headed out into the darkness, not sure what she planned on doing but knowing that laying in that bunk was not going to bring her any sleep this night.  She wandered aimlessly for a few minutes until she saw a campfire with someone sitting by it.  Instantly recognizable where his dark curly hair and broad shoulders.  She smiled as that fact hit her again. That Bellamy was _here_.  Back on the ground where he belonged.  Home.  She took a few tentative steps towards him, not completely sure if she should approach him.  He’d had a very difficult argument with Octavia earlier when Echo had arrived.  Octavia had wanted to kill her on sight but Bellamy had managed to convince Octavia to put her hatred aside for the moment. That they had a bigger fight ahead of them than this personal revenge.

                Clarke took another step before she realized that Bellamy was not alone. Someone was sitting on the ground in front of him. Not someone. Echo.  Her hands were entwined with Bellamy’s. Clarke stopped suddenly, hidden in the shadows.  She watched them for a moment as Echo took one of her hands and placed it on Bellamy’s cheek.  Clarke’s breath caught in her throat and her vision suddenly blurred.  She blinked several times, shocked to feel tears welling in her eyes.   She tore her eyes away from them but not before seeing Echo lean in to kiss Bellamy. Clarke turned away and moved off quickly in the opposite direction. Her breath came out in ragged spurts as a tear slid down her cheeks. 

                Walking for several minutes left her completely in the dark, nothing to be seen but stars.  Sliding down by a broken half wall, she rested her back against it.  She wiped furiously at her eyes.  Her words and actions could always persuade people of things she didn’t really fully believe in herself but her eyes?  Her eyes always gave her away.  Damn traitors. What was wrong with her?  Why was she crying?  Oh she’d cried many times in the days after Praimfaya.  She’d cried for everything she had lost. She’d cried for all the unknowns. She’d cried for the what-ifs.  But this?  What was this for?

                Her mind flashed to the night that she had killed Finn. To the blood on her hands after she had stabbed him.  To the pain she had felt when she’d lost him. To the joy he had brought her those first few days on Earth. And to the heartbreak of seeing Raven running into his arms and kissing him.  The complete shock that they were together and the sound of her heart ripping apart.  She hadn’t loved him but it had been a betrayal all the same.  _Just like tonight._   Clarke shook her head.  What? Where had that thought come from?  Who would have betrayed her? _Bellamy,_ came the silent answer.  Clarke frowned, trying to make sense of her jumbled mind. Bellamy didn’t betray me, she thought.  _Didn’t he?_ Came the little voice in her head.

                “No,” Clarke said aloud, her voice shaky.  But she couldn’t help that nagging emotion that reared its head again.  The one she couldn’t pinpoint.  Until that image of Raven and Finn in each other’s arms popped back into her head and slowly transformed into the image of Bellamy and Echo kissing.  And suddenly she recognized the emotion.  She’d felt it back then, and she felt it again now.  _Jealousy_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Octavia finds out Madi has nightblood?

 

                The following morning, Clarke and Madi were in the training room.  Clarke was exhausted.  She had returned to their room last night, barely able to keep her eyes open but had lain awake until morning without ever getting any sleep.  Their easy life had a taken a turn towards danger and she just wasn’t used to it anymore.  It’s funny how peace allows you the time to rest.

                “Good Madi,” Clarke told her. “Now raise the shield a little higher and try that again.”

                 Madi raised the small shield up so that it protected her chest and advanced on Clarke with the sword in her right hand.  The girl took several steps which to the untrained eye merely looked like a disorganized mess but which was in fact a very precise pattern that Clarke had taught her to maneuver around more easily.  A few more carefully placed steps and Madi swung out with her sword. Clarke met Madi’s sword with a swing of her own, the blades clashing together. Madi retreated only a step before swinging the sword at Clarke again, this time from the opposite direction. Clarke blocked with her own shield and swung around to get behind Madi. Madi twisted quickly, knowing this move all too well, getting her sword up in front of her as Clarke aimed for her unprotected arm.   Madi sprang forward, jabbing her sword towards Clarke’s abdomen.  Clarke lifted her sword arm, turned slightly and caught the sword between her arm and waist. She slammed her shield down on the sword, causing Madi to lose her grip and drop her sword.

                “Ugh, I am never going to beat you!” Madi said, exasperated.

                Clarke smiled at her pouting.  “I’ve had a little more practice than you have.  And I’m certain there will come a day when you will surpass me.”

                “You taught her how to fight?” Octavia asked from the sidelines.  Clarke glanced over at her and Gaia standing behind her, not having been aware that they had been watched.  She hated that.  She’d gotten sloppy in those years of safety without an enemy.

                Clarke nodded as she picked up Madi’s sword and handed it to her.  “This world is a cruel place; you need to be able to defend yourself.”

                Madi went over to the wall of weapons to hang up her sword and shield.  Gaia approached her slowly, frowning slightly.

                “I don’t understand how this is possible,” Gaia said.  “Only a nightblida could have survived Praimfaya and Luna was the last of her kind.  Where did you come from?”

                “My parents hid me from the conclave,” Madi said.  “No one knew about me but them. They kept me hidden away so no one would ever find out.”

                “The girl under the floor,” Octavia whispered.  Madi looked at her.  “I know a little about that.”

                Madi nodded.  “Clarke told me all about you Octavia.  About how you fought in the conclave and won but that you didn’t let Skaikru take the bunker alone.  That members of all the clans survived because of you.”  Madi’s voice held a hint of awe.

                “Did she?” Octavia looked at Clarke out of the corner of her eye.

                “I was never really good at fairy tales,” Clarke said as way of explanation.

                “If she is the only true nightblida left in this world, then she is the one true commander and should bear the fleim-“Gaia began.

                “No!” Clarke said fiercely, coming to stand before Madi protectively. “No. The time of the commanders and the fleim is over.  It ended the day that Praimfaya wiped out the world.”

                “But Praimfaya did not wipe out everyone.  There are those who were meant to live on even after the world ended and we thought they were all in this bunker.  But she survived out there, among fire and death.   If she were not meant for something greater, something bigger, then she” Gaia nodded at Madi “would have been lost along with everyone else.”

                “Clarke is a nightblida too though,” Madi told her.

                “Clarke was made a nightblida through science.    _You_ were born for this!” Gaia placed a hand on Madi’s shoulder.

                Clarke shook her head, angrily.  “You can’t seriously be considering making her the next commander!” Clarke turned to Octavia. “You really want to turn over your leadership to a little girl?”

                Octavia shrugged slightly.  “Someone has to lead them when I am gone. Why not someone who was meant to do it from the beginning?”

                “This is insane!” Clarke exclaimed. “I’m not going to let you put the fleim-“

                “Let me?” Octavia said in a cold, controlled manner.  “You don’t have the authority to ‘let me’ do anything.   You are not in charge anymore Clarke. No one is going to ask how high when you say jump this time.  A lot has changed in 6 years.”

                Clarke met Octavia’s eyes, not shrinking away from her dark stare.  “A lot does change in 6 years,” she agreed.  “But that doesn’t change the fact that I am _not_ letting you control Madi.   Madi didn’t survive the death wave because she was _chosen_.  She survived because her parents kept her hidden, to keep her safe.  Very much like you Octavia.”

                Anger flared in Octavia’s eyes.  “I was kept hidden because my mother didn’t want to face the consequences of breaking the law.  I wasn’t hidden so that _I_ would safe. I was hidden so that _she_ would stay safe!”

                Clarke grabbed Madi’s hand. “Come on Madi, let’s go.”  They started to walk towards the door when Octavia’s voice rang out, clear and controlled. As well as chilling.

                “You are Wonkru, or you are the enemy of Wonkru!  Remember that Clarke. Choose wisely.”

                Fear shone in Clarke’s eyes but she refused to turn around and let Octavia see her weakness.    She pulled Madi along to the door.  What had happened to the innocent girl Clarke had met when they first set foot on Earth?  The one that had screamed “ _We’re back bitches!”_   into the wide unknown.  _She lost the person she loved_ , said the little voice in her head.  _You know a bit of what that feels like_ the little voice haunted her thoughts.  _Except yours came back._

                “I’m giving you until night to come to your senses and realize that this is the best thing for all of us.  You’re lucky I’m giving you any time at all and that’s only because you saved my life.  Don’t think this has anything to do with my brother’s feelings for you.  He doesn’t have any say in any of this, I’m sure that was made perfectly clear earlier.”

                Clarke stood frozen for a moment, remembering how everyone had drawn their guns on Bellamy when he had only stepped in front of his sister.  The way they had moved, almost as if in a hive mind, had terrified Clarke.  What had gone on in that bunker to create that?  Octavia moved swiftly across the room until she stood behind Clarke. 

                Octavia leaned forward and spoke right into Clarke’s ear.  “Night fall,” she said quietly.  “I do hope you make the right decision.”  She walked past Clarke out through the door with Gaia following her.

 

                Clarke leaned against the doorframe and tried to catch her breath.  Madi looked worried. Clarke placed a hand on Madi’s arm for comfort.

                “She doesn’t seem like the Octavia you told me about,” Madi said.

                “She isn’t,” Clarke said.  “I don’t know who that person is anymore.”  It was true.  They had had their problems with each other but the way she had threatened Bellamy and even Clarke, was not something she had ever expected.  The cold chill of Octavia’s voice still vibrated through Clarke’s body.  Clarke grabbed Madi’s hand and pulled her along the corridor. 

                “We have to get out of here.”

                Clarke and Madi walked as calmly as Clarke could allow to not draw attention.  On the way to their quarters, they passed the fighting pit.  Light filtered down from the hole Diyoza and her crew had created to rescue the people trapped.  Clarke again saw the blood stains on the wall, the weapons hung along the chain link and the finality of death that hung in the air.  Bellamy hadn’t noticed it at first, his joy for his sister too great, but Clarke hadn’t been able to take her eyes off of the gruesome sight.  The smell of fresh blood wafted out of the room, mixed with the odor of sweat and fear that hung stagnant in the pit.  Clarke hurried past the open door, past the horror she couldn’t even bring herself to imagine.

                They reached their quarters quickly but Clarke was surprised that someone was already waiting for them there.  Gaia.  Clarke stopped suddenly, Madi almost running into her.  Clarke held out a hand to keep Madi behind her.

                “What are you doing here?” Clarke asked her.

                “I’ve come to try to convince you of the right thing,” Gaia said calmly. 

                “There’s nothing you can say that will make me hand Madi over to you,” Clarke said vehemently. 

                Gaia raised an eyebrow. “Why did you teach her to fight if you were not prepared for something like this?”

                “I taught her to fight so that she could protect herself.  The surface has changed.  There are dangers out there that you don’t even know of.  Praimfaya may have wiped out life on most of the planet, but it also created new threats.”

                “Even more reason for her to become commander. She knows what lies ahead.”

                “Knowing what’s out there and leading people are 2 different things.  I won’t force her into servitude just so you can do a job that there is no longer a need for.”

                Gaia moved closer, causing Clarke to shift slightly to keep Madi at her back with a quick exit out the door.

                “As long as a true nightblida still walks this Earth, I will continue to do my duty,” Gaia said, as she reached into the pocket of her jacket and pulled out the box that contained the chip.    She held it out towards them.  “This is not a sign of evil.  It is what keeps our people united. What makes us stronger.”

                “Your people seem pretty united right now,” Clarke said, keeping her eyes on the chip.

                “It took a lot of work for Octavia to get them there,” Gaia said. She looked past Clarke to Madi.  “She wouldn’t need to do anything. They would follow her without question.”

                Gaia sprang forward without warning, the chip in her hand, muttering the words that would activate it.  Clarke shoved Maddi out of the way, catching Gaia’s outstretched arm with her left hand and bending it back behind her. Gaia kicked out, connecting with Clarke’s upper thigh. Clarke grunted at the impact but kept her hold on Gaia’s arm.  Gaia reached around with her free hand to try to grab at Clarke’s eyes when Clarke elbowed her in the face, a very audible crack emanating before Gaia hit the floor unconscious. 

                “Quick Madi, hand me those sheets!” Madi grabbed the sheet from her bunk and tossed it to Clarke.  Clarke made quick work of shredding the sheets and tying up Gaia’s hands and legs and then tying her to the bunk.  They grabbed their meager belongings and Clarke shut the door behind them, hoping no one would go to look for them until night fall, when Octavia’s ultimatum would need to be decided.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke must leave with Madi, but will Bellamy stand in her way?

 

                Clarke hurriedly threw her belongings as well as Madi’s into the back of the rover.  Madi sat in the passenger’s seat, her worried expression pulling at Clarke’s heart strings.  Here they were, finally reunited with the people Clarke had been telling Madi about for 6 years. She’d heard all the good and all the bad to go with them.  She’d wanted nothing more than for Madi to meet everyone and feel like she always had, like she was part of a family.  But the time spent in the bunker had been harder than Clarke had thought. The realization that they were trapped and would be for what could be the rest of their lives, had brought out the desperation in people. Some kind of primal urge just to survive, even at the expense of others.  Clarke didn’t care what she had to do but she would do anything in her power to keep Madi away from Octavia, Gaia and the rest of Wonkru. She would not let what Madi’s parents had done go in vain.  Madi was her responsibility now and she wouldn’t let anything happen to her.  She had to get her away from this place.

                Clarke felt him behind her before he even said a word. She closed her eyes tightly for a moment.  She had hoped she would get away from here before he found out.  Not only didn’t she have time for this, she just didn’t want to do this.  She didn’t want to say goodbye to someone she’d been waiting for, for so long.  But she had no choice. He placed a hand on her shoulder.

                “Clarke?”

                She took a deep breath and turned to face him slowly. He pulled his hand away and tilted his head in that very Bellamy-like way.  She glanced back down at his hands, slowly raising her eyes up to his chest, continuing on up to his chin, his lips and finally meeting his questioning eyes.

                He shook his head very slightly. “What’s going on?”

                Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded at the Rover.  “Madi and I are leaving.”

                “What are you talking about?  Where are you gonna go?”

                Clarke flashed back to that day outside of Camp Jaha  after Mount Weather when he’d asked her the same thing.  She’d done terrible things to protect her people and had left to face that guilt alone. Now, she was leaving to protect Madi before she had to do something else she would feel guilty about.  She was always leaving. That’s all he would see.  “I don’t know,” Clarke told him honestly.  “All I know is that we have to get away from here.”

                Bellamy frowned at her and ran his hand over his beard. Clarke wanted to smile at the memory of his beard on her shoulder when they had hugged.  It was definitely different but by no means a bad thing. 

                “I don’t understand,” Bellamy said.

                “I can’t really explain right now, I have to go” Clarke said as she turned back to the rover.  She went to grab the handle on the door but Bellamy’s hand shot out to hold the door closed.

                “You are not leaving,” Bellamy said firmly.  “I-“His voice wavered slightly.  “I just got you back.”

                Clarke tried to even her breathing, trying not to let him see how shaken she was by those few words.  She couldn’t let him see what just his presence was doing to her.

                “I can’t stay,” Clarke said softly, still keeping her back turned to him. 

                “Clarke, look at me,” Bellamy beckoned. 

                Clarke shook her head. _I can’t.  I’m afraid you’ll see how scared I am and that you’ll convince me to stay._

                “Why don’t you trust me enough to tell me what you’re running from?” His voice was hoarse, like he was struggling to speak.

                Clarke ran a hand over her eyes.  Bellamy grabbed her hand and pulled her around to face him.   He searched her face until she reluctantly lifted her eyes to meet his.

                “Tell me,” a plea more than anything else.

                “I trust you, I do.  I trust you more than anyone.  I just have to protect Madi and I-“

                “Nothing is going to happen to Madi. I won’t let it.  She’s safe as long as you’re both here.”

                “But she’s not Bellamy. I have to get her away from here. _I_ have to get away from here.  Something bad is going to happen if we stay.  I can’t have you in the middle.” Clarke’s eyes never left his and it was a wonder to her that she’d been able to do it.  She was telling him the truth.  _But you’re also running away from him_ sang the little voice in her head.

                Bellamy sighed loudly.  “Octavia would never let a little girl get hurt-“

                “Octavia threatened me,” Clarke told him.

                Confusion lighted Bellamy’s face.  “Why would Octavia threaten you? It doesn’t make sense. You just saved her life.”

                Clarke let out a small laugh.  “She’s your sister and you just want to see the best in her. But Bellamy, she’s not the same person.  None of us are after so many years.  But something happened down in that bunker, something terrible.  Octavia is not the naïve little sister that you remember.  Those people are blindly loyal to her. You saw how they reacted to you when you just stood in her way. I heard her threaten _you_! Why would it come as a surprise that she’d threaten me?  I don’t follow what she says so I am the enemy.  I won’t allow her to change who Madi is because of some stupid blood!”

                Some understanding slowly crossed his face. He looked behind her into the rover at Madi.  Clarke would do anything to protect her, just as he’d always taken it upon himself to do for Octavia.  He knew she was right. Octavia had changed and he didn’t like what he had seen.  Octavia was still his sister and if there was any way he could help her, then he had to try.  He also knew that there was no way he would ever let Octavia hurt Clarke. Or Madi.   He could protect them both . But not if they ran away.

                “I’ll talk to Octavia, I’ll reason with her.  I got her to back off of Echo.” Bellamy thought he saw Clarke cringe slightly but it was probably just the way the light glinted off her face.

                “There is no reasoning with her right now Bellamy, you know that.”

                “You can’t just leave! It’s a wasteland out there!” He shot out.

                “I know that!” Clarke exclaimed.  “I’ve been on this planet alone for 6 years! I know what’s out there better than anyone.”

                Bellamy took a step back from her as if he’d been punched.  That word, _alone_ , like a knife in his side.  A knife he had put there because he had left her. He was the reason she hadn’t been with them in space.

                “This isn’t how this was supposed to go,” she said more quietly.  “It’s not how I imagined things would be.”

                “I thought you were dead,” Bellamy said, equally as quiet.

                “I almost was,” Clarke said.  “I had nothing left to live for.”

                Bellamy’s eyes widened as he realized what she meant with those words.  “Clarke-“

                “You don’t know how hard it was Bellamy. Being here without anyone.  Knowing my mom was trapped down in that bunker. Knowing there was no way I could dig her or the others out. Not knowing if you were alive, if I’d been in time getting those hanger doors open.  If it hadn’t been for Madi and for you-“She stopped herself from finishing that sentence.

                “You can’t run. Isn’t that something you told me once?  You may have had to face things alone for the last 6 years but you’re not alone anymore. If I’d had any idea that you were still alive I would have found a way down to the ground sooner. I would have been here for _you_ sooner…”

                Clarke placed her hand on his arm.  “None of this is your fault. There is no way you could have known that I would survive Praimfaya. The nightblood wasn’t working when we prepared for take-off and it took several more days after the wave before I even began to show signs of beating this.  You saved everyone up there and you saved me.”

                “I left you behind.”  His voice made her heart ache as she heard the guilt in it.

                “You did what you had to do. It was the only choice.  I’m alive and more importantly, Madi is alive.  Neither one of us would be without you.”

                Bellamy searched her face for any sign of anger that she had been on her own for so long but all he saw in her eyes was pride and a spark of something else.   He felt drawn to her, something he’d felt several times before with only her.  He thought he’d forgotten those times when he had accepted that she was dead but that pull was there, just as before. Stronger even.

                He leaned in closer to her.  He placed one of his hands over hers.  “How am I supposed to do this without you?” He barely whispered.

                “You managed without me for 6 years and you were fine,” she said with a small smile.  He met her eyes for a brief second before she raised up on her toes and kissed his cheek.  “Goodbye Bellamy.”  She turned and he finally let her climb into the rover.

                _I wasn’t fine,_ Bellamy thought as he watched her drive away.  Every day up on that ring had been another day without Clarke. Another day in which he just _knew_ that if he’d been better, that he could have saved her.  He hadn’t allowed the others to see his pain, to see the anguish he felt every single day.  They didn’t get to see him falling apart on the inside. He had needed to be strong and keep everyone alive. He had to honor Clarke’s sacrifice by making sure they lived on in her stead.  He had dreamed of Clarke being alive but he had never hoped. And here she was, having just told him that she’d had hope in him.

                Should he have hope that they’d see each other again?  Or would she just disappear with Madi, never to be heard from again?  She was always leaving! _You always let her leave,_ his head told him. No, he’d spent all those years without her, thinking she was dead. He wasn’t going to spend more time apart from his best friend. Because that’s what she most definitely was.  She was the only person who had stood by his side no matter what he had done in the past.  He couldn’t even say that about his own sister.  He’d done some stupid things but in the end, Clarke had always been there. When you had that, what idiot would let that go a second time?  As the dust from the rover began to dissipate, Bellamy turned on his heels and headed towards the bunker.  _Time to stop being an idiot._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Madi head back to Shallow Valley.

 

                “Are you ok?” Madi’s small voice broke into Clarke’s reverie.  Clarke blinked several times, trying to stop the tears that welled in her eyes. 

                Clarke nodded, not daring to speak yet.  Madi watched her several more moments before turning her attention on the road.   Worrying about her was not something Madi should be concerned with.  Madi shouldn’t be doing a lot of things but Clarke hated that she felt the need to ask her that after the conversation that had just happened between her and Bellamy.

                “You shouldn’t have left him,” Madi said after a moment of silence.

                Clarke frowned.  “Who?”

                Madi rolled her eyes. “Who do you think? Bellamy.”

                “I didn’t leave him.  He came back to the ground for Octavia and he needs to help his sister.”

                “I thought you said that he couldn’t reason with her,” Madi countered.

                “If anyone can, it’ll be Bellamy,” Clarke assured her.

                Madi glanced sideways at Clarke as the desert sped by outside.    “You have a lot of faith in him.”

                “I do,” Clarke agreed.

                “I mean, you always did. I could always tell by your stories about him but I think you have even more faith in him now.”  Clarke didn’t say anything so Madi continued.  “You’re different when you’re around him.  Calmer somehow.  Like you don’t have to carry the burden of the world all on your own.  I only ever saw that with you in the first days after we found each other, when you were trying to show me that I could trust you.”

                “Bellamy is a good guy,” was all Clarke managed to say.

                “You said there were no good guys,” Madi said, again bringing up a contradiction to her own words.

                “He’s the exception.”  That was something Clarke had always believed in. 

                Clarke drove many hours through sandstorms and thick layers of dust that coated the air before Madi glanced around at familiar territory.  Leaning forward at a particularly oddly shaped configuration of rocks, Madi said, “I thought you told Bellamy you didn’t know where we were going?”

                “I don’t know where we’re going,” Clarke said, keeping her eyes trained ahead.

                “Then why are we heading home to Shallow Valley?”

                Clarke frowned and studied the surroundings.  Madi was right.  Another hour and they would be back at their home.  Too lost in thought she hadn’t even realized where she was going.  The image of Bellamy watching her drive away was cemented into her head.  Would she ever see him again?  She’d waited so long for him and now he was out of her reach yet again.

                It only made sense that she had been heading towards home. Where else were they supposed to go?  They had explored the planet far and wide and Shallow Valley was the only place that was survivable.  Praimfaya had changed the planet in too many ways to make any of the rest of it hospitable to humans.

                Without having thought of it beforehand, now that she realized where they were headed, she needed to come up with a plan.  Her mother was back there with Diyoza. They had needed a doctor, but for what she didn’t know.  It was obvious something was wrong and they needed Abby to help fix it.  If she offered herself up to help her mother figure out whatever it was that Diyoza had taken her for, maybe she could make a bargain for her and Madi’s safety.  It wouldn’t take long for Octavia and Wonkru to be up to the hike to Shallow Valley.  Something had to happen before they arrived.  Those people couldn’t fight on the last place on Earth that still had life on it.  If they destroyed this land, then the rest of humanity was doomed to die as well.

                It was late afternoon when they arrived at the border of Shallow Valley.  It still shocked Clarke every time she saw the desolate, broken land suddenly turn to lush, green life.  After the rover was parked at the edge of the forest she hopped out, Madi joining her.

                “So what are we going to do now?” Madi asked.

                _Good question_ , Clarke thought.  They couldn’t just walk into the crowd of prisoners and expect to be accepted with open arms.  Clarke needed to speak to Diyoza alone.  Diyoza had seemed like a reasonable and smart leader.  Being tortured with the shock collar hadn’t exactly been Clarke’s idea of a favorable impression but it wasn’t like it had been anything worse than what she and Bellamy had done to Lincoln.  They had gone about it the wrong way but had justified it by saying it was to protect their people.  Diyoza was doing the same thing so Clarke couldn’t fault her for what she had done.  That didn’t mean she trusted her for one minute.

                “Right now,” Clarke said, “I need you to stay by the rover.”

                Madi shook her head. “No. I’m going with you.”

                “Madi, I need you safe. If they capture me and I can’t convince Diyoza that we can be of help, then I need to know that they won’t find you.”  Clarke put her hands on Madi’s shoulders and forced the girl to look at her, conveying the urgency she felt that Madi stay safe.

                “What if they find me here?  Then they’ll have me to barter with and you’ll do whatever they ask to get me back and we won’t get anywhere.”

                Clarke sighed.  This older and smarter Madi was getting a little more difficult to handle.  The days when she would tell Madi something and Madi accepted it without question seemed like so long ago.    _Questioning things is something she got from you,_ the little voice said.  Clarke didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.

                “Ok fine.  We’ll go together but you stay right by my side the entire time!”         

                Clarke put her gun into the waistband of her pants and hid a small knife within her shoe. The other knife went to Madi, who tucked it into a strap at the small of her back before covering it with her jacket.  _Just in case_ , Clarke told herself, throwing her pack with medical supplies over her shoulder and looking to Madi.  “Ready?”

                Madi nodded and was about to follow Clarke when there was a sudden rustling in the trees.  With one swift motion, Clarke pulled Madi out of sight behind the rover.  They both ducked down as far as possible and held their breath as the sounds got nearer.

                “I told you that rover wasn’t a figment of my imagination!”

                Clarke frowned and then smiled as she recognized the voice.  Coming out from behind the rover, she was just in time to see Murphy break through the trees, Emori close behind him.  Murphy stopped in his tracks when he saw Clarke.  His all-knowing smirk as she approached was a welcome sight.

                “Well will you look at that! Our fearless leader returned from the dead!”

                Clarke couldn’t help but laugh.  “It’s good to see you too,” she told him, as she wrapped her arms around him. It was a pleasant surprise when he hugged her back.

                “Careful with the neck décor,” he told her as he pulled back.  Clarke noticed the shock collar she’d been introduced to a few days earlier, a grimace crossing her face. Her eyes went to Emori and she smiled again.

                “I can’t believe you survived,” Emori said.  “Thank you.  Thank you for saving us. Without you, none of us would be here.”  She took another step closer and reached out for a handshake.  Clarke bypassed her hand and hugged her instead.  Emori tentatively put her arms around Clarke but then squeezed as Clarke held her tighter.

                “I’m so glad you’re all back,” Clarke told her.  Madi came out from behind the rover as she pulled out of the embrace.

                “The hobbit returns!” Murphy exclaimed.

                “He keeps calling me that,” Madi said, looking to Clarke.

                “It’s from an old book,” Clarke told her.  “Don’t mind him.  I’m surprised he even knows what a hobbit is.”

                “Yeah well, being trapped in a space station for eternity tends to give you a lot of free time,” Murphy said.  His exaggerations weren’t something Clarke had thought she’d miss but it warmed her heart more than she thought to have him back.

                “This is great and all, but I’m pretty sure standing out here in the open isn’t the best idea,” Emori chimed in.  Clarke knew she was right. They had to get going. Approaching Diyoza in the dark wasn’t really part of the plan.

                “I have to go see Diyoza,” Clarke told them.

                “You’re kidding, right?” Murphy said, only slightly rolling his eyes.  “What, you like my collar so much that you want one of your own?”

                Clarke furrowed her brow. “I actually already had the pleasure of trying one out myself.”

                “Going back for seconds?”

                “Diyoza has my mother.  She needs her help with something and maybe if I offer to help them all, then they’ll help us in return.”

                “Yeah I’m sure they’ll be happy to give us whatever you ask for. It’s not like we held their entire group hostage or anything like that,” Murphy said.

                “I have to try. Madi and I can’t stay with Octavia and Wonkru.”

                “Is Octavia alright?” Emori asked.

                “She’s alive,” Clarke said, not knowing how to explain Octavia’s behavior or tell them that no, Octavia definitely was not _alright_.

                As if just now realizing that Clarke and Madi were alone, Murphy looked around in confusion.  “Where is everyone?  Why isn’t Bellamy here?”

                “Bellamy doesn’t know we’re here.  He and the others are back at the bunker. We tried crossing the desert but after Diyoza’s missile attack, the sandstorms set us back. A lot of people were hurt and some died protecting Octavia.  They were in no state to continue so we finally convinced them to head back to the bunker to regroup.  I had to get Madi out of there when they tried to recruit her as the next commander.”

                “They’re still harping on that even after all of this time?” Emori shook her head. 

                “I can’t have them trying to control Madi.  I’m sure they’ll be on their way here within the next few days. Probably sooner once Octavia notices that we’ve left without her permission.  I’m hoping Bellamy can still talk some sense into her but I can’t hold my breath for that.  I need to do something now.  If they get here and an all-out war starts, then what did we save humanity for just to lose it all years later? There has to be some common ground somewhere.”

                Murphy let out a small growl.  “I may be able to help you with that.”  They all turned to him.  “I didn’t escape Diyoza’s men.  One of them let me go, although he failed to mention that this little piece of jewelry won’t let me go beyond a certain distance from the ship without giving me a nice little jolt,” he said bitterly.

                “Murphy-“Clarke began.

                “He had the missiles system locked and made the rest of them believe that Raven had done it. After that other ass almost slit my throat, this guy saved us and he and Raven came up with a plan to stall for as long as possible so you guys had time to get away.  Which you obviously did.  What happens next, I don’t know. I do know that this guy is different though. He thinks like you.  He doesn’t want the entire human race extinct.”

                “So you think he’ll help us?” Clarke asked.

                Murphy shrugged one shoulder.  “I don’t know but he’s your best bet.  He doesn’t seem as psychotic as the others.”

                “Can you take us to him?”

                “Yeah sure, why not?  Why wouldn’t I trade the safety and freedom out here for another round of torture?”

Clarke stared at him expectantly, waiting for a non-flippant answer. With a loud sigh and a muttered “My life sucks!” Murphy turned around and began leading them back into the forest toward the prisoner transport ship.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Diyoza let Clarke and Madi stay in Shallow Valley?

Murphy was true to his word and led them back to the ship.  Clarke had wanted to approach in the daytime, to show that they meant no harm but Murphy convinced her that they had to get to the guy, Shaw, who had helped him first.  That if there was any chance for some sort of peaceful understanding, that he was the one who would keep them alive long enough to get to Diyoza.  So they waited until the sun had set and the darkness enveloped the woods.  They were all crouched behind trees, studying the camp.  It was quiet.  The excitement of being back on Earth seemed to have worn everyone out and it appeared that most of the prisoners were aboard the ship.  There was a small campfire before the door of the ship and several sentries stationed throughout the perimeter.

                “How are we supposed to get in there without being detected?” Emori asked Murphy, frustrated.

                Murphy scanned the area.  “Maybe we can take out some of the guards.”

                “Yeah, that won’t draw any attention at all,” Emori replied sarcastically.

                “I don’t know if going about it this way is the best idea,” Clarke said.

                “Uh guys,” Madi said. “There’s someone coming this way.”

                They all fell silent as they saw that Madi was right. A man had emerged from the ship and was headed straight towards them.  The campfire was at his back, keeping him shadowed in darkness.  They remained still but as he got closer, Clarke could tell he knew they were there. She was just about to tell the others to head back, when she heard several people behind them. Within seconds, they were surrounded, guns aimed at their heads.  They slowly came out from behind the trees with their hands up.

                Clarke saw that the guy standing in front of her was Shaw. The same man who had tried to hold the peace when she’d been captured. Something about him spoke of a kinder nature than the others.  Murphy was right, he was different.  Shaw was the only one of the prisoners not pointing a gun in their direction.

                Shaw brought his radio up to his mouth and said “We got them.”

                “Bring them in,” said a muffled voice that Clarke recognized as Diyoza. 

                “On our way.”  He started to turn to go back towards the ship, signaling the others to follow him.  Clarke was right behind Shaw with Madi next to her.  A guard flanked them on either side with Murphy and Emori behind them.  Three more guards brought up the rear.

                “We’re not here to cause trouble; I need to talk to you.  ”

                Shaw shook his head. “Are you crazy?  You were out of here, why would you come back?”

                “We need your help,” Clarke told him.

                Shaw glanced back at them as they continued walking, his eyes settling on Murphy. “You’re here for Raven.” Murphy nodded.

                “We’re here to save the human race, something I was told that you tried to do as well,” Clarke said.

                The next several minutes were a blur.  They entered the ship with an entourage of muscle and weapons following them.  Shaw led them through several hallways until they reached the flight deck of the ship.  Both Diyoza and McCreary stood in the center of the room.  Diyoza seemed as relaxed as before but McCreary was as on edge as ever.  He pulled out his gun and aimed it at the group.

                “Jeez McCreary, stand down! They have enough weapons trained on them. They come in peace. They just want to talk!” Shaw yelled.

                “These people don’t want to just talk,” McCreary spat. “They want to take back what they think belongs to them.”

                “They’ve been out in the forest for hours now, not making a move,” Diyoza said calmly.  She pointed to a dot on a screen to her right and then to another screen showing the dark forest.  “The tracker told us exactly where you were,” she indicated Murphy.  “And our eye in the sky told us the moment you headed back from the bunker,” she now looked to Clarke.  “But since there was only the image of the rover, I decided to wait and see what you would do.  We were watching you the entire time but you didn’t make a move to attack. Why is that?  Why aren’t you fighting to get your land back as you did before?”

                “Please,” Clarke said her hands in front of her.  “This isn’t the way it has to be. There has to be something we can do to come to an agreement.  The human race is all but extinct. Fighting will only ensure that it will be.  We can help each other.”

                Diyoza raised an eyebrow and smirked.  “That’s a funny statement coming from someone who killed several of my men and who very closely came to being the reason that nearly 300 more of them almost died.”

                “I’m sorry about that,” Clarke told her honestly.  “I was just trying to protect Madi.  It’s been just the 2 of us for over 6 years and when you arrived, guns in tow, I had to do whatever I could to keep her alive.  I know you didn’t help open the bunker just because of the threat Bellamy made to your people but that you also needed my mother.   If you need a doctor then it can only mean that you’re sick. And if you’re sick, what’s the point in fighting a war for land that you can’t enjoy when you’re dead?”

                Diyoza approached Clarke slowly.  “And what is it that you want in return?”

                “Peace,” Clarke said simply.

                “Peace?  How do you suggest we go about doing that? There is an army out there marching towards us with a cult following. I saw how loyal those people are to that girl.  What makes you think they’ll listen to anything any of us have to say?”

                “Words are not going to convince them.  You need to show them through your actions.”

                Diyoza considered her statement.  “How do you suggest we do that?”

                Clarke thought for a moment.  How could Wonkru be persuaded that they could live in peace with the prisoners?  That they didn’t need to fight over this land and destroy it in the process.

                “Show them through a sign of goodwill.  They’ve been trapped in a bunker that was supposed to sustain everyone for 5 years but instead they needed to hold out for over 6.  People have died down there because the fear of starvation was ever present.   The fear of death and being buried underground makes people do things they normally wouldn’t.  Show them that they no longer have to live in that kind of fear.”

                “We could drop a shipment of supplies for them,” Shaw suggested.  “Food, medical supplies.”

                Clarke nodded. “Yes, that is exactly what I mean.”

                “And as soon as we let you go, you’ll just turn around and shoot us in the back of the head,” McCreary said.

                “No, you have my word that we are not here for that.  I just want my home back.”

                “What about them?” Diyoza asked, nodding to Murphy, Madi and Emori.

                “Let them go,” Clarke said.  “They aren’t a threat to you. They can help.”

                “They’ll just run off into the woods and meet up with that army as soon as they can,” McCreary once again intoned.

                “Diyoza just told us that you’re always watching, you dick,“ Murphy said. McCreary took a step closer to Murphy.

                “Murphy,” Clarke warned.

                “I’m all about surviving and being here, helping out is the best bet that I’ll get to do that.”

                Clarke spoke up again. “I understand that this isn’t the home you were expecting to return to.  Two nuclear apocalypses occurred in the time that you were asleep. You remember this planet as it was those many years ago when you lived here.  I lived in space my entire life and didn’t get to experience the same Earth that you did.  There was already such devastation when we set foot upon it.  But the way it is now, that’s what lives in my heart and that’s what kept me alive. What kept Madi alive.  We don’t want to lose that.  We can help heal this planet. But not with war and bloodshed and more death.”  Clarke lowered her arms and held her hand out to Diyoza. “Do we have a deal?”

                “You’re not a doctor like your mother,” Diyoza said, eyeing her hand.

                “No,” Clarke agreed, “I’m not.  But everything I know, I learned from her.  I know that together, we can figure something out.  Something where all of us can survive.”

                Diyoza started to reach out her hand towards Clarke.

                “Raven is part of the deal,” Murphy called out.  “She’s free with the rest of us.”

                “No way,” McCreary said, shaking his head. “That girl is the reason why they had any leverage in the first place!”

                “She can’t get into the ship’s mainframe with Shaw around. The girl goes free,” Diyoza said, shaking Clarke’s hand.  She pulled Clarke closer and gave her a long hard look.  “You betray me and you’ll wish that death wave had wiped you out along with the rest of the world.”  She straightened up and let go of Clarke. She turned to McCreary. “Put down your damn weapon and get that bird out of her cage.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tries to do her part to help figure out what is going on with the miners.

The following days passed quickly.  Diyoza and her crew had several crates of fresh fruit and vegetables dropped down near the bunker.  She’d sent along a message that anyone who ventured to Shallow Valley with a sign of peace would be granted safe passage into the valley and be offered protection. The message let members of Wonkru know that anyone who decided against fighting for the valley would be given full access to it and be allowed to live there with the same rights at the rest of the prisoners.   Anyone who approached as a threat would be seen as such and dealt with accordingly.

                Clarke estimated that Octavia would be on the move several days after she had left which would put her arrival at Shallow Valley within the next 3 or 4 days.  She was worried that absolutely nothing would stop Octavia, not even the promise of part of the land if she came in peace.  Octavia had tasted real power in the bunker and continued to think that the same justice had to be dealt out now that they were back above ground.  She didn’t understand that the enemy was no longer imminent death.  Whatever had happened for them to stay alive was no longer necessary.

                Clarke and Madi quickly fell back into a semblance of their old routine.  Madi helped to hunt and fish and started showing the stable prisoners how to set traps to catch some of the wild animals that lived in the area.  She also showed them which seeds they could plant to further help in the growth of fruit. Shallow Valley had been expanding every year since Clarke and Madi had lived there and they wanted to continue on with that growth.  The prisoners were miners and didn’t have any experience in farming so they started to learn quickly thanks to Clarke and the others.

                Clarke spent a lot of time studying the medical records of the prisoners with her mother.  So many times it was difficult to focus because her mind kept taking her back to the bunker.  Back to Bellamy.  How was he?  Had he made any progress with Octavia?  Would he be able to convince her that peace was best for everyone after Diyoza’s message had been delivered?  Was _he_ even still safe?  Octavia had threatened him before and as much as she loved him, Clarke didn’t fully believe that he would remain safe simply because of that small fact.

                A constant trickle of fear flowed through her body.  The fear was no longer from Diyoza and her crew.  They’d proven themselves in those short few days to be reasonable and to want to survive just like Clarke.  Octavia was different though.  She ruled Wonkru with a following that no normal leader could achieve without fear or intimidation.  Octavia had been her friend.  Now, she didn’t know what the girl was anymore. 

                What about the rest of Spacekru?  Monty and Harper?  Octavia had no reason to hurt them, yet Clarke still worried.  Even Echo.  Octavia had wanted to kill her, citing that her banishment from Roan and herself, still stood and that Echo should therefore not be left to live.  Bellamy had talked her down, telling Octavia that Diyoza was a bigger threat than Echo.  In light of Diyoza’s request for peace, was Echo still safe? Octavia still considered Diyoza the main threat, but would Echo now become dispensable if Bellamy tried to talk Octavia out of war with the prisoners?

                Clarke sat at her desk, the medical records splayed out in front of her.  She leaned her head on her hands and closed her eyes.  Bellamy had haunted her dreams ever since she’d returned home.  She couldn’t believe that after 6 years, he was finally back and yet, still not.  She’d imagined their return so many times.  They would have come home, Raven having found a way to bring them back down.  They would have held each other and cried happy tears and just celebrated being back together.  They would have figured out a way to dig out the bunker.  Everyone would have been saved and everything could have returned to how it was before.

                Instead, prisoners had invaded her home.  Death had returned as part of everyday life.  A nightmare had occurred down in the darkness.  And the one person she had waited for the most, had found someone else.  She couldn’t fault him for it.  He had thought she was dead and it’s not like they had ever really expressed how they felt about each other.  _It still hurt like a bitch_ , her little voice said.

                It shouldn’t matter, that’s what she tried telling herself.  Whatever they may have felt or may have become to each other was wiped out the day the Earth was consumed in fire.  It didn’t stop what she felt.  That longing.  For him.  A feeling she hadn’t really thought would tug at her so much.  This separation from him now was almost worse than the 6 years apart.  She’d always had hope that they were alive but she never _knew._   Now she did.  He was alive and well and back. The distance between them felt greater than ever.  _You’ve been replaced_ , the voice in her head said bitterly.  She wanted to argue but she couldn’t. It was true.  That’s exactly what it felt like.  Not only had they survived just fine without her, but they’d been able to be happy. To become a happy family.  Madi had become her family and she wouldn’t trade her for anything in this world.  It was just hard to grasp when you were no longer needed.

                Clarke opened her eyes and returned to studying the medical records.  They showed growths and lesions on the prisoner’s lungs and some of their other organs.  Diyoza had told them that they’d been mining crystalized metallic alloys which according to the ship’s crew could create a massive influx of energy and basically destroy the entire planet.  The miners had breathed in an exorbitant amount of dust from the metals.  For all intents and purposes, they were suffering from lung cancer.  In some cases, the amount of metal alloys that had been absorbed by the body had been enough to cause mental breakdowns.  Vinson was one of their patients and he’d shown sudden shifts of mental clarity to mental madness. One minute he was the pleasant man he claimed to be and the next, he was trying to bite off fingers.  A zap from his collar was all it took to get him under control but it occurred again and again with no explanation as to what brought it on.  In cases like Vinson, the shock collar almost acted as a sort of electro-therapy.

                 The only way they could help the miners was by getting the metal alloys out of their system. That was easier said than done.  Abby and Clarke had surmised that they would need a blood transfusion.  But the blood had to be from someone other than the miners to ensure that there were no alloys in the new blood that they would be receiving.  Clarke knew their best bet would be by using her and Madi.  Their nightblood fought against radiation and should therefore also be the most efficient at helping to clear the miner’s blood.  The problem was that there were 300 prisoners and only 2 of them.   Or, as Clarke had told Diyoza, only 1 because she refused to let Madi be used as a guinea pig.  There was only so much bone marrow she could take out of her own body at a time and a certain amount that had to be injected into the miners to ensure that it would work.  Abby had said that they would use their bone marrow as well but after a close study of the interactions between Abby’s blood and the miner’s blood, it showed that they were not compatible.  In fact, if the miners were to be injected with the blood from a non-nightblood, then their blood overtook the healthy blood and wiped out any trace of it.

                It was Mount Weather all over again.  Why did it always come down to blood?  And if the nightblood was so important that it could save so many people, why had Becca not started synthesizing it for everyone?  It would have solved so many problems.

                “I don’t know what to do mom,” Clarke told her mother as she once again looked through the microscope.  “How are we supposed to make enough blood to help these people when it’s just me left with the blood they need?”

                “We’ll figure something out,” Abby told her, placing her hand on Clarke’s shoulder.  “We always do.  It’s only been a few days since we’ve been working on this and without your help I still wouldn’t be half as far as we are now.”

                Clarke sighed.  She knew her mother was right but that didn’t make it easier to calm her racing heart. She was afraid that if they didn’t have something for Diyoza soon that she would start to rethink their deal.

                There was a sudden knock at the door that caused Clarke and Abby to jump.  Clarke looked at her mother as Abby headed to the door to open it.  Diyoza stood outside and looked past Abby to Clarke.

                “I need you to come with me,” she said.

                Clarke frowned. “What’s going on?”  Her heart skipped a beat. Was this it?  Was Diyoza here to tell her that the deal was off because she hadn’t gotten any results?

                “I need you to see something,” Diyoza told her.

                Diyoza led Clarke through the camp back to the ship.  They followed the winding hallways to the deck of the ship where Shaw was at the controls.  At Diyoza’s nod, he punched a few buttons and an image popped up onto the screen.  It showed 5 figures moving along the wastelands near Shallow Valley. Clarke recognized the area and knew they would reach the valley in a few hours.

                “Our eye picked up these guys several days ago.  Moving along almost nonstop day and night,” Diyoza said, her eyes on Clarke.

                “They left Wonkru,” Clarke said. “They’re accepting your offer of peace?”

                Diyoza raised an eyebrow.  “Perhaps.  They have not shown any hostilities but have made the trek here in almost half the time you said it would take. There’s something very determined about someone who moves at that kind of speed.”

                Clarke looked at her.  “Do you know who they are?”

                “No,” Shaw spoke up.  “Their faces have been hidden in dark cloaks, which I presume they are wearing as part of some protection from the sandstorms.”

                “Why haven’t you picked them up?” Clarke asked.

                “Because,” Diyoza said slowly, “they set out from the bunker, _before_ we ever delivered the food and the message.”

                “You think they may be sending spies?”

                “It’s possible.  We’ll allow them to get close to the border before we intercept.  We’ll see what they have to tell us. I wanted to see if you knew who they could be?”

                Clarke shook her head as she studied the screen.  They were just dark spots moving along at a steady pace.  All except for one who looked like they may be in some pain from the staggering steps they took.  “Octavia could have made her way here as soon as I left but I don’t see her taking such a small group.  It could be Echo. She’d have reason to move quickly if Octavia had changed her mind and was going to kill her.  I just can’t tell from these shapes. I’m sorry.”

                “Thank you,” Diyoza said.  “We didn’t think you’d be able to identify them but I thought it was worth a shot.”

                As Clarke headed back to her mother, she tried to think of who could be so determined to get to Shallow Valley to move at such a brisk pace.  Clarke had made that journey along with Madi many times to try to dig the bunker out.  It had taken several routes before they had come out with the safest and quickest way to cross the desert.  They’d always tried to get there and back as fast as they could but she also knew that they had never pushed the pace.  Whoever this was, was in a hurry.  Diyoza had said that they had been moving day and night.  Exhaustion should be overcoming the travelers but they had seemed to be moving at as steady a pace as ever.  Echo was the most likely to be among the group but why would she have left even before Diyoza had tried to persuade the others to join her?

                A few short hours later, some of the prisoners were stationed along the border of the valley, armed but not prepared for battle.  Shaw and McCreary had gone out with several others to intercept the small group. 

Clarke was off to the side with Madi, talking to her mother when they all returned.  Diyoza stood near the copse of trees by the ship, arms crossed over her chest.   The prisoners came through the trees first, followed by the group of 5 travelers.  Diyoza approached them and started to talk to them.  Clarke couldn’t see who any of the newcomers were so she excused herself and headed towards them.  At the sound of Clarke’s feet crunching on the forest floor, Diyoza turned to her.  She smirked.

                “Your boyfriend’s back.”

                Clarke looked past her. She knew there were other people with him, but all Clarke saw were broad shoulders, dark hair and an uneasy expression that shifted to a smile as he met her eyes.  _Bellamy._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy warns that Octavia is coming to take the valley, but it's not the only reason he marched across a wasteland.

                _What is he doing here?!_ Clarke asked herself.  How was Bellamy here?  And why?  If what Diyoza had said was true, then he had left the bunker and Octavia before she’d ever offered sanctuary to anyone who approached Shallow Valley in peace.  Why would he come here?  Was he here to make another deal? 

Clarke studied Bellamy as he allowed the prisoners to search his bag for weapons.  Shaw and McCreary had done an initial sweep but now were inspecting the belongings closer before allowing full access into the valley. Bellamy looked exhausted and beaten by the sun and wind.  His clothes were covered in a fine layer of dust but his body still held that air of strength.  She didn’t want to take her eyes off of him.  If she blinked, he may disappear as he had done so many times in her dreams after Praimfaya.  He felt as unreal now as he had when he’d stepped out from the rover that night.  She couldn’t trust her eyes and had to make sure she wasn’t imagining things again.

                Clarke approached him slowly as the prisoners finished with him and moved on to the others.  Clarke allowed herself a quick glance at the rest of the people with Bellamy.  She wasn’t surprised to see Harper, Monty and Echo in the group but it was a bit of a shock to see Indra among them.  Indra shouldn’t have made such a journey with her injuries.  The focus quickly returned to Bellamy as he finished closing his bag when she reached him. He straightened up and met her gaze.

                Clarke stared at him in wonder.  “How did you make it across the desert so quickly? I’ve made that trek many times and the only way you could have managed it in the time you did is if you left right after I did.” She tilted her head slightly. “And if you didn’t stop along the way.”

                Bellamy nodded.  “Things move quickly when there’s someplace you need to be.” 

                Clarke wanted to throw her arms around him but held back.  Bellamy surprised her by reaching out and taking her hand in his.  Her breath hitched at his touch.  He was real.  She could feel his warmth and life just like the night he’d rescued her, when he’d helped her up and had wrapped his arms around her. Staring down at their hands, she was silent for a moment.  He squeezed her hand, almost as if to check if _she_ was actually there.  Out of the corner of her eye she saw movement.  Echo.

                The image of them at the campfire flashed through her mind. Clarke cleared her throat and pulled her hand out of his.  A look of hurt passed over his face but it was gone so fast that she thought it had just been her imagination. Echo joined them after having been searched. 

                “Did you tell her?” She asked Bellamy. He shook his head.

                Clarke looked back and forth between them.  “Tell me what?”

                “Octavia is marching on Shallow Valley.  Wonkru will reach the border by nightfall tomorrow.”

                Clarke frowned. “How do you know this?”

                “Indra,” Bellamy said.  “She came to warn us after we left the bunker.”

                Diyoza had been standing off to the side, waiting for them to finish being searched but she came nearer at the mention of Octavia.  “We saw a group heading out from the bunker right after the first food drop,” Diyoza told them.  “We didn’t know if they were coming here as part of the offer or if it was to start a war. I guess I have my answer if Octavia is among them.”

                Indra walked over to the group slowly. Obviously still in pain from the sandstorm she had stood in to protect Octavia.  “There are those among Wonkru who want a change. To live in peace, as you have offered. They will not all fight for Octavia.  But most of them will.  Octavia is determined to destroy the valley rather than let you have it or even share it. She may as well destroy us all if she gets the war she wants.”

                Diyoza nodded.  “Maybe they’ll be more inclined to stand down once they see what we and this valley have to offer.   Without an army behind her, she stands less of a chance. We hope for peace but prepare for war.”  Diyoza called Shaw and McCreary to her and started barking out orders to the other prisoners who had finished searching the newcomers.  Diyoza called over her shoulder to Clarke. “Get them settled in one of the empty houses for now.”

                Indra spoke up again.  “I thought having her brother return would bring back some of the old Octavia.  In the bunker, we had no choice but to do what we did.  We found out early on that we were buried and we knew there was no way we would get out without outside help.  The bunker was supposed to last us 5 years but not knowing how long we would actually be trapped, brought out the darkest parts of us.  The enemy became anyone who put us closer to death and Octavia made sure to not let personal feelings interfere.  I’m afraid she pushed too much of herself down to do what had to be done and she doesn’t know how to get that part of herself back.  She doesn’t understand that things have changed now that we’re back on the ground.  The same rules that kept us alive down there are the things that will destroy us up here. She’s lost.”

                “What can we do to help her find herself again?” Clarke asked, glancing from Indra to Bellamy. Out of all of them, Indra knew Octavia the best at the moment. Bellamy looked sad and a bit lost himself.  Since coming to the ground, Octavia had put a lot of blame on Bellamy for various things, some things that he had no control over.  Watching his expression now, Clarke knew that he blamed himself for her current behavior. Clarke bit back some of the anger that threatened to bubble to the surface.  The only reason that Octavia and Wonkru were alive now was because of Bellamy. He had saved them all and yet here he was taking the blame for what his sister had turned into.

                Bellamy shrugged slightly.  “I’m not sure there’s any of the old Octavia left.”

                “Bellamy-“

                “You didn’t see her Clarke,” Bellamy said, looking at her.  “When she found out that you and Madi had left…I’ve never seen her like that.  You leaving was a betrayal to her. She couldn’t believe anyone would go against her. She considers you an enemy of Wonkru because you chose to save Madi from that kind of life.  I couldn’t let her threaten you any longer.  It’s one thing when she does that to me, but you?  You’re the reason any of us is even still alive.  You were right.  She’s my sister, but I don’t know how to help her anymore.”

                Clarke ached at seeing him so broken.  Octavia meant everything to him and seeing what had become of the innocent little girl he had raised was tearing him apart.  So much had changed but Octavia seemed like a completely different person.  It was as if Octavia had put on a mask, one that let her be a strong leader.  One that hid the scared parts of her.  One that let her do the things she wouldn’t have considered before. But in putting on that mask, she’d forgotten that the role she was playing, wasn’t real.

                “So what happens now?” Clarke asked him.

                “I won’t fight against her.  I-“ he swallowed and tried again.  “I just can’t do that.”

                “Nobody is going to ask you to,” Echo said quietly, putting one hand on his shoulder.  Her face was filled with love for him. Clarke felt like she was intruding and was about to turn away but she saw something else flicker across Echo’s face. Longing? And a hint of sadness?  Clarke frowned slightly as she watched them both, not sure what exactly was going on with Bellamy and Echo.  They’d been very hands on the last few times she had seen them but there was a distance between them now. It wasn’t much but it was enough that Clarke noticed. 

                Monty and Harper had stood by quietly, both looking as if they could drop to the floor at any second.  Clarke could see that the trip here had taken more out of them than even they probably realized themselves.  They were worn out and looked hungry.  They needed a good meal, a chance to get cleaned up and a soft bed to fall into.  Clarke looped her arm through Harper’s and tugged them along.

                “You all look exhausted. I know how much that journey takes out of you on a good day. I don’t even know how tired you must be after pushing yourselves so hard,” Clarke told the group.  “Let’s get you guys settled and get you something decent to eat.  I’m sure we have some algae around here somewhere!”

                There was a good natured collective groan from the group as Clarke started to lead them away. Madi came up on Clarke’s other side, smiling brightly.  Abby met them halfway, hugging Harper, Monty and even Echo.  Madi fell in step with Clarke as the group followed Abby back to the small clearing with a few of the buildings that remained unclaimed.

                “He came back for you!” Madi said excitedly.  Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm.

                “What are you talking about?”

                “Bellamy.  He came all the way across the wastelands for you.  So he could warn you and protect you!”

                “I don’t need protecting,” Clarke told the girl.  “Besides, Bellamy didn’t even know I was here.”

                “Of course he knew,” Madi said. She was about to roll her eyes again but stopped when Clarke gave her a warning look, knowing what she had been ready to do.  “Where else would we have gone?  This is our only home. Octavia threatened you so Bellamy came to save you.  I know how long it takes to cross that desert, we’ve done it a lot.  He must have gone through the night to get here so quickly.” Madi made it a point to meet Clarke’s eyes.  “ _That_ means something.”

                Clarke closed her eyes for a second and shook her head.  This child.  Madi had romanticized Bellamy ever since she’d known what romance entailed.  She would get a faraway look in her eyes when Clarke had told stories about Bellamy and would often tell Clarke that Bellamy had done a certain thing out of love.  When Madi had tried to convince Clarke that Bellamy had done things for her out of love, Clarke had just dismissed her ramblings.  When you were young, you often misunderstood things or tried to bend a story to make it fit your will.

                “It does, Clarke,” Madi insisted. Clarke smiled. Kissing Madi on the forehead, they continued on after the group. Bellamy was near the front with Abby, helping to support Indra who seemed to have pushed herself beyond her limits.  Clarke watched him let Indra lean on him.   Madi’s words played through her head again. _Did_ it mean something?  That Bellamy had come here?  That he’d made the trip in record time?  Bellamy hadn’t been surprised to see Clarke in camp, he’d even seemed to have been expecting her to be there.  Maybe he’d known she would return here even before she had.

Echo walked close by Bellamy’s side, reaching out once in a while when Indra looked like she may stumble. Why should she think that any of it meant anything more than Bellamy’s normal concern for her?   Because what could it really mean when Bellamy had Echo?  She couldn’t hope for Bellamy. Not this time. Not with Echo having taken up the role she once thought she’d had.  By his side as a confidant.  As someone to lean on.  As a best friend.   The hope that they could fall back into their old routine after all these years had been foolish.  He was alive, wasn’t that the most important thing?  _But then why is your heart so broken?_ Her head thundered.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven and Clarke have a little chat.

  _Bellamy is here!_ It was the only thing that kept running through Clarke’s head.  _He’s here with his girlfriend!_ Her little voice kept throwing back in her face. He’d come after her.  Clarke hadn’t known where she was going but after all this time he still seemed to know her better than she knew herself.  _Doesn’t matter how well he knows you, he doesn’t feel the same for you as you feel for him!_

                Clarke wished she could listen to that voice in her head. The reasonable one.  The one that told her that she needed to stop focusing on the fact that Bellamy had come after her and drill it through her head that he was with Echo.  No matter what she felt for him, he had moved on.  _You need to do the same._

                But she just couldn’t.  All she could see was the way his face had lit up when he’d seen her.  And the shadow that had covered it when it came to Octavia.  How could she help him?  She just didn’t know what to do.  It was like nothing had changed.  All Bellamy had ever wanted was for his sister to love him and accept him for who he was but just as before, all Octavia did was blame him for all the wrongs that happened in her life.  _How about taking on some of the blame for how your life is, Octavia?_

                Maybe she needed to go talk to him.  Clarke knew Bellamy hadn’t just given _up_ on Octavia, he could never do that.  He had just given _in_.  Octavia was throwing her power around and Bellamy didn’t have the strength to handle it at the moment.  It must be hard on him.  Clarke had only been thinking of herself these past few days.  How much it hurt to see him with another woman.  How it was her responsibility alone to care for Madi.  What could she do to keep herself and Madi safe?  How much her life had changed.  Bellamy had had a lot to deal with as well and Clarke hadn’t taken that into consideration.  How strange it must be for him to see the change in his sister. How hard was it keeping 7 people alive up in space?  How lonely was it making the right decisions for everyone?

                Clarke couldn’t blame Bellamy for moving on. She _didn’t_ blame him.  And it wasn’t as if she hadn’t considered the possibility that he would be involved with someone else.  The unexpected thing had been how much it had actually affected her. The jealously was something that she hadn’t contended with.  Jealously had never really been an issue for her.  There was never anything anyone ever had that she ever wanted.  Until now.  Being jealous of Echo would have been something laughable not too long ago. But now, she had something Clarke didn’t.

                “Hey Clarke!” Madi’s sudden exclamation as she came inside the house made Clarke jump.  Madi came over to where Clarke was working and put her hands palms down on the desk. Clarke reached out and squeezed one of Madi’s hands.

                “What are you up to?” Clarke asked her.

                “Nothing really,” Madi said nonchalantly.  Clarke squinted an eye at her.

                “Madi?”

                “Weeelll” Madi drew the word out.  Clarke raised her eyebrows at the all too familiar way Madi was getting around to asking her something that Clarke wouldn’t exactly be thrilled with.  In the past it had included requests like learning to drive the rover, scaling the cliff by the lake, and hunting bear in the caves.

                “Bellamy said he wants to go hunting. He said he missed it while he was up on the Ark and he needs something to take his mind off of everything. I told him about the deer in our hunting grounds and he wants to check it out.”

                “Ok,” Clarke said, waiting for the rest.

                “Can I go with him?”

                Clarke started to shake her head. “Madi, I don’t think-“

                “Please Clarke! You told me so much about how good he is and I just want to see how he does it,” Madi begged.   Clarke smiled.  Madi hadn’t had anyone else but her for so long that she couldn’t fault her for wanting to be around other people.  She was pretty certain that Madi wasn’t as interested in seeing Bellamy hunt as she was just to be around someone else.  She knew Madi loved her but she also knew that there was an air of mystery about Bellamy and the others, who she’d only known through stories.  When you heard all about someone, you wanted to know if the stories matched the actual person.

                Clarke had her memories of all of her friends.  Madi only had stories.  Even though Clarke had drawn everyone for Madi, it was still completely different to have these living, breathing beings from the stories standing before her.  The time alone had been difficult on Madi. There had been no children to play with.  No adults other than Clarke to lean on and learn from.  No one to tell her stories from a different perspective.  Of course Madi was curious about Bellamy.  Was hunting really the best way to start their relationship though?

                “Please?” Madi said again.  If there was anyone else other than Clarke that Madi would be safe with, it would be Bellamy.  Clarke closed her eyes for a moment and sighed.  Madi threw her arms around her, knowing that was a yes.  “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”  Madi turned to run out.

                “Madi!” Madi stopped and turned back to her.  “Only the near hunting grounds, nothing out by the borders,” Clarke warned.

                Madi nodded and bounded out the door.  Clarke smiled at her enthusiasm.  She felt kind of sorry for Bellamy.  Once Madi got going, she could talk your ear off.  It would be good for her to go have some fun before the real trouble began.  She’d never gotten to have much of a childhood and it looked like that wasn’t about to change any time soon.  Besides, maybe some time with Madi was exactly what Bellamy needed right now.

                Focusing on her work seemed fruitless.  Abby was in the med bay on the ship.  It was only a small area compared to the ship still out in space but it was better equipped than anything Clarke had at her place. Clarke wanted to go see Abby but held back.   Having her mother back was a blessing and yet, Clarke also knew there was a problem with her.  Talking to Kane hadn’t given her many answers.  Neither one of them would talk about what happened in the bunker. Whatever it had been, it had broken Abby.  Abby was devoted to her work, not feeling forced to help any longer now that Clarke was safe with her.  The work seemed to overtake her at times, keeping her going all day until she would crash at night.  The cold sweats, the shaking, the stammered and slurred words.  Clarke recognized all the signs of addiction.  Abby had insisted that she was fine and could handle it.  There had been bound to be some people who wouldn’t handle the confinement in the bunker well but having lived on the Ark her entire life, Abby was not someone Clarke would have lumped into that category.  Steeling herself to take another shot at talking to Abby, Clarke stood up.

                “Hey!” Raven exclaimed, as she came through the door without knocking.  Again Clarke chided herself for jumping.  Why was she so jumpy today? 

                Clarke smiled at her friend, remembering their happy reunion.  Shaw had brought Raven to them on the deck, having removed her shock collar.  Raven had been a bit startled to see them all standing there, her eyes widening at the sight of Clarke.  Raven had run to Clarke, throwing her arms around her and squeezing so tightly it almost cut off Clarke’s air supply.  Through laughter and tears Raven had thanked Clarke again for saving their lives.  Over the past few days Raven had told her about what had happened on the ring, how they had all worked together. That she’d taken Emori under her wing and taught her what she knew. Monty had been in charge of keeping their food going.  Echo had taught everyone to fight.  Harper had acted as sort of a counselor for the group.  Bellamy had become the leader and had held everyone together.  And  Murphy just hadn’t been able to find something he felt useful at and had withdrawn from the group more as time went by.

                Clarke hadn’t asked about Echo and Bellamy’s relationship and Raven hadn’t offered any details, for which she was thankful.  Having to imagine how they had gotten closer was bad enough but knowing it and seeing it in her head would have been worse. 

                “What’s up?” Clarke asked her.

                “Oh I just wanted to see how you were doing…you know, with Bellamy back here.”

                “I’m fine,” Clarke said, almost phrasing it as a question.

                Raven nodded.  “Ok.”

                “Really Raven,” Clarke said.

                “Oh come on Clarke!” Raven exclaimed.  “I remember how the two of you would low-key flirt with each other back then.  It was so subtle that no one ever paid any attention to it but I saw how you would watch him sometimes.  And how he couldn’t take his eyes off of you most times. I’m surprised you guys never jumped each other’s bones before.”

                “Raven!”

                Raven laughed.  “I’m just telling it like it is.”

                “Yeah well, it isn’t that way.”

                Raven smirked.  “Isn’t it?  I see how your eyes change when he’s brought up.  You take in every detail I tell you about him when we were up on the ring. So what is going on?”

                Raven was the only one who didn’t feel different.  Everyone had changed so much in the time since Clarke had seen them but Raven had remained the same.  Raven remained the voice of reason and she was just there.  Over the past few days, she’d been there more for Clarke than anyone else had.  They’d had their ups and downs in the past but they’d become friends, not something Clarke had thought possible after everything that had happened with Finn.  Now here they were, all these years later and Raven felt like the only person she could talk to.  Realizing how much Raven’s friendship meant to her made tears suddenly spring to Clarke’s eyes.  She blinked several times before meeting Raven’s gaze.

                “It doesn’t matter,” Clarke shrugged.  “Too much has changed.”

                “You mean Echo, right?” Clarke figured Raven would be able to read her and nodded.  “You know Bellamy doesn’t love her.”

                “Of course he loves her.”

                “Ok he loves her, but not any more than he loves me or Monty.” Raven sighed as she looked at Clarke’s drawn face.  “Bellamy told me about the conversation you guys had before we left.  About how he needed to use his head as much as his heart to help us all survive.  He thought about your words every day because every day, he made the smart decisions, not just the ones that felt right.  He thought you were dead but he lived for you. So that your sacrifice wouldn’t be in vain.”

“Good, I’m glad he listened for once,” Clarke laughed.

“When you spend so much time with the people around you, you start to love them, no matter how much they may annoy you at times.” Raven paused for a moment and Clarke was fairly certain she was thinking of Murphy.  “They become your family and you do anything for your family.  I know you know that because I know how you feel about Madi.  Just because Echo was there for Bellamy, doesn’t mean that he’s _in_ love with her.”

                “Well whether he’s in love with her or just loves her, he’s still with her. And I can’t get in the way of his happiness.”

                “He hasn’t been happy since we left you behind.  He’s put on a good show, don’t get me wrong.  But he’s like you.  Doesn’t let others see what’s really going on inside his head.  He doesn’t want to burden people with how he’s doing. So he keeps it inside and continues playing the role expected of him.  There have been times when I’ve seen a glimmer of happiness in him, but nothing like that spark I saw in him earlier when I talked to him. There is light in his eyes again.”

                “I would find happiness being back on Earth again too,” Clarke said as way of explanation for the “spark” Raven mentioned.

                “You two are really exactly the same. Why is it so hard for you to grasp that people see the good in you?  You two are always so concerned about everyone else that you never take a moment to think about what you want.”

                If Raven only knew how selfish Clarke had been feeling lately she wouldn’t be saying that. Clarke felt like the only thing she’d done lately was to think of herself. Of her own needs and wants.

                Raven continued.  “Everyone else always comes first.  Like now, you only want Bellamy to be happy and for you that means he should be with Echo. And he’s thinking that having everyone back is overwhelming for you so he’s keeping some distance from you. Neither one of you is talking to the other about what’s going on in your hearts.”

                Clarke didn’t really know what to say. A part of what Raven was saying was true.  Her happiness didn’t mean nearly as much as Bellamy’s or Madi’s because if they weren’t happy, then she wasn’t happy.  Raven put her arm around Clarke’s shoulder.  “I love you,” she said, “but I think you need to take a bit of your own advice. You’ve always used your head to make decisions; maybe you need to start using your heart a little more.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madi and Bellamy are out in the woods, ready to hunt but will something Madi says spur Bellamy into acting on his feelings?

                Bellamy couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen such energy.  Madi had her bow and arrow slung over her shoulder and was hopping from fallen log to fallen log, not missing a step.  The life and spark in the child was something he didn’t think he’d get to experience again.  She reminded him so much of Octavia.  An overwhelming burst of light in the darkness.

                Bellamy had felt such guilt over leaving Clarke behind. Guilt over her “death.”  Even though he would never forgive himself for it, he felt like a small weight had been lifted off his heart knowing that she’d had Madi with her.  If she had been alone that entire time, he didn’t think there would have been much left of the Clarke he knew.  They weren’t related, but he saw a lot of Clarke in Madi.  There was a wonder about her to everything they encountered.

                “It hurt her, you know,” Madi’s voice rang out in the silence even though she hadn’t spoken loudly.

                Bellamy frowned at the words.  “What?”

                Madi let out a loud sigh, as if Bellamy was automatically supposed to know what she was talking about. Very Octavia-like.

                “Clarke. It hurt her to leave you behind.”

                “She was just protecting you,” Bellamy told her, as he stepped over a tree root in front of him.  Madi jumped down from her log and came to walk beside him.

                “No, I don’t mean when we left the bunker last week,” Madi said.  She looked at him as she kept walking.  Bellamy was sure she could walk this forest blindfolded and always know where she was.

                “She told me she was sorry for leaving you.  At Camp Jaha when you asked her to stay but she didn’t.  She felt bad about leaving you to deal with everything on your own. She’s also sorry she didn’t go with you at Polis when you asked her to come home.”

                “She told you a lot about us, didn’t she?”

                Madi smiled brightly.  “Yes.  Every day she would tell me a new story.  She told me how everyone had a hand in helping keep her alive, that she wouldn’t be where she is now without each and every one of you.  The stories about Octavia were always my favorite.  The stories about _you_ were always hers.”

                Bellamy stopped.  “What do you mean?”

                Madi stopped a few feet away from him.  “Well most of the stories were about you and they were always the longest.  There was something very important about her telling me every little detail about you. Like she was afraid she would forget or something.”

                Bellamy was a bit stunned to learn that Clarke had spent so much time in talking about him.  He’d expected Madi to know a lot about them all but the fact that she had heard stories about him every day was a bit daunting. What kinds of things had Clarke told her?  He hadn’t always been following his head and had made some stupid decisions back then.

                As if reading his mind, Madi said “Yeah, she told me about the dumb stuff too.”

                Bellamy laughed.  “I’m sure she did.”

                “ _Whatever the hell we want_!” Madi called, throwing her hands up into the air.  She turned and kept walking.  Bellamy followed her.

                “How did you do it?  How did you survive?” Bellamy asked, thinking back to when he’d asked Clarke the same thing at the campfire. He hadn’t really gotten much of an answer from her.

                “I ate fish and berries to stay alive. I stayed in one of the empty rooms. I couldn’t move the dead bodies so I spent a lot of time outside.  I was only alone for 2 months. Everything got better when Clarke found me.”

                Two months.  Two months was less than he had expected.  It must have still been awful to be alone for so long but it was something he could handle, instead of all the years it could have been.  Still, the thought of Clarke alone, trying to survive without another living soul, ate at him.  She’d had to deal with that because of _him._   That was still a whole hell of a lot better than the alternative.

                “I’m glad she had you. That you were able to help keep each other alive,” Bellamy told her.

                “You helped keep her alive too,” Madi stated simply.

                Saving Clarke from Diyoza had been a no brainer. Once he’d learned she was alive, there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t have done to help her.  “I helped her out of a bad situation once, you helped keep her going every single day,” Bellamy said lightly.

                Madi gave him another exasperated look, as if he was just missing everything she was trying to tell him.  “So did you. She called you.  On the radio.   Every day for 2, 199 days.  I only remember that number because that was the day everything changed. When you all came home. I guess she talked to all of you but it was always your name she called when she picked up the radio. I don’t know how she kept track of the days. I mean I know she put marks up on the wall but she always knew the number of days it had been since Praimfaya-“Madi continued to ramble on and kept walking, not having noticed that Bellamy had stopped in his tracks when she’d brought up that Clarke had called him every day.

                2, 199 days of calls. To him.  And he hadn’t heard a single transmission. How was that possible?  What is it that she could have talked to him about?  He had thought she was dead.  He hadn’t counted the days. He hadn’t wanted to know when the day came that marked her being dead longer than she had been in his life.  He hadn’t wanted to know the number of days he would live without her for the rest of his life.  But the answer was 2,199 days.  That is how long his heart had ached without Clarke.  That was how long he had put on a show, of being happy and keeping everyone together. Of trying to play the part Clarke trusted him with. 

                She had counted every day that she’d been without him.  He felt almost as shocked as he had when he’d heard Madi tell him that Clarke was alive, that she had known he would come.  _She had known!_   She had so much faith in him that she knew he would come back.  How?  How could she have put so much trust in him?  He hadn’t known himself if he would ever make it back to the ground, but she had.  Bellamy shook his head, trying to process this.  What would have changed if he’d known that she was alive? If he’d heard just a single word from her on the radio?  _You would have driven yourself crazy trying to come back home!_ A voice said in his head. 

                Madi finally noticed that Bellamy had stopped.  She looked back at him.

                “Are you ok?” She asked.

                Was he?  He just didn’t know.  He didn’t know what this meant.  Why would she call _him_ specifically?  Had Clarke been trying to reach them as they had tried to contact the bunker?  They’d tried often but even they hadn’t called every day.  Had Clarke done so to try to stay sane?  Had she done it just to have something  to do?  Or had she done it because she had needed _him?_ He looked up at Madi and went over to where she stood.

                “What did she say?”  He asked, almost urgently.

                “Huh?”

                “Clarke, when she was on the radio. What did she say?”

                Madi shrugged. “I dunno.  The same stuff mostly every day.”

                “Like what?”  He needed to know what Clarke had said.  He felt like if he knew what she’d said, that something was going to change drastically between him and Clarke.  Something that should have changed a long time ago.

                “She said she was proud of you. That you did the right thing leaving her.”

                _I left her behind and she’s proud of that?_   It was one of the things he regretted the most in his life.  Clarke had wanted him to use his head and he had, thinking of everyone else first.  His heart had suffered for it though.

                “She said this all would be easier if she knew that you were alive. She always said she still had hope.  Even after the 5 years were up and you didn’t come back.”

                _You still have hope?  We still breathing?_

“What else?” Bellamy asked. “Was there ever anything that maybe she felt awkward saying while you were there?”  _Had she ever mentioned how she had felt?_

                Madi thought for a moment.  She shook her head. “No, she told me all about you so there was never anything to hide.  Although-“she stopped to consider something for a second.  Bellamy looked at her expectantly.  “There was this one time.  She wasn’t on the radio, just staring up at the stars. I remember it because she had looked so sad that day. It was around the 5 year mark, when you were supposed to come home soon.  I was just about to drift off when I thought I heard her say ‘please don’t be in love with someone else.’ That’s a strange thing to say, isn’t? I always wondered what she meant by it.”

                Bellamy’s eyes widened.  She hadn’t been on the radio where there was a possibility he could have heard her but had she been talking to him nonetheless?  Staring up at the sky where he was.  He couldn’t believe it. How many times had he stood at the windows on the ring looking down at that patch of green?  Had he ever been looking down at her, not knowing she was even alive, when she’d been looking up towards him?  The thought that she felt something for him, something that may go beyond just friendship was beyond comprehension. 

                “Can’t you ask her this yourself? I mean she knows more what she said to you than I do.”

                Bellamy nodded.  Yes, that’s what he had to do. He had to talk to Clarke and find out what all this meant.  He’d left Octavia to warn Clarke because he couldn’t face the thought of dealing with that grief again. He’d traveled day and night to reach her in time when Octavia had threatened Clarke after she found out Clarke and Madi had left the bunker.   He’d come here not just to warn Clarke but to also stop being stupid. And here he was, still dumb as ever.  He should know more than anyone how limited time was.  He’d had Clarke ripped away from him once before and now that she’d been brought back into his life like some kind of miracle, he still wouldn’t let himself feel what he really felt inside. 

                “Madi, we have to go back,” Bellamy told her.

                “But we haven’t even hunted yet.”

                “I’m sorry. This is really important.”  And suddenly, it felt as if the rest of his life depended on what happened next.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monty to save the day?

                Clarke yawned.  It was late afternoon.  She had decided to go check in with her mother but trying to talk to Abby about her problem had been futile.  Abby continued to insist that everything was fine and that she didn’t need any help.  Her weary expression and shaking hands said otherwise.  Clarke knew that something would need to be done soon and promised herself that it was the first thing she would focus on as soon as the whole ordeal with Octavia was stable.  Tired of staring at the screen filled with medical files that wouldn’t give her the answer she needed, she got up and stretched.

                Nightblood was the solution to the prisoner’s health problems.  Clarke had taken a small sample of her blood and had combined it with that of one of the prisoner’s and had watched under the microscope as her nightblood cells had overtaken the affected cells.  How were they supposed to create enough nightblood for the whole crew though?  That was the question that kept haunting her thoughts.

                 There was a knock at her door, which didn’t make her jump.  _Making some progress_ , she told herself.   “Come in!” She called.  The door slowly shifted open to show Monty with Echo right behind him.

                “Hey,” Monty said.  Clarke smiled at him.

                “Hey, what’s up?”

                “I wanted to see if I could be of some help.  I talked to Raven earlier and she told me about what’s been going on.  Your blood is what is going to cure the miners?”

                Clarke nodded. “Yeah, it comes down to blood again.  We still have the same problem we did before the death wave hit.  We didn’t know nightblood was the answer then but if we had, we still wouldn’t have been able to make enough of it from just Luna. Now we’re in the same boat.  We know that nightblood is going to do the trick but it’s just me this time.  We can’t take enough out of me to save them all. I just don’t know what to do.”

                Monty rubbed his hands together.  “Actually, that’s why I’m here.  I may have a solution to that.  To making less nightblood help more without putting your life in danger.    If Diyoza is willing to take me back up to the Ark, I should be able to get what I need.”

                Clarke was confused.  “I’m sorry, but I’m lost.”

                Echo frowned. “You aren’t the only one.”

                “The water filtration system on the Ark, it’s what I need.  I think I can tweak the system to run the blood through it, instead of water.  I don’t know how to explain this without confusing you more. Basically, if I can do what I think I can, we can take the affected blood of a miner, run it through the filtration system, add your nightblood and run the cleansed blood back into the miners.”

                “So by running the affected blood through the filtration, you are clearing the cells of the pollutants,” Clarke said.

                Monty nodded.  “By clearing some of the cells, there is less for the nightblood to overtake, meaning there is less blood needed from you to make them better.  From the scans and files that Abby showed me, there are just too many pollutants in the miner’s blood for the filtration to remove all but every bit that can be, will make it easier.”

                Clarke stared at him in wonder.  “That might actually work Monty!”

                “Let’s not get our hopes up just yet,” Monty warned.  “Let me look through what you have here and I can come up with a plan to modify the filtration system based on the number affected and how severely affected they are.  Think Diyoza will give it a shot?”

                “Yes,” Clarke said without hesitation. “Diyoza wants to help her people.  She’s not that different from us.  I’ll go let her know your plan.” Clarke headed out to find Diyoza but stopped in the door.  “Thanks Monty.”

                Monty smiled at her and then threw himself into the paperwork on Clarke’s desk and the files loaded onto the computer.   Echo stood awkwardly by the doorway.

                “Do you mind if I join you?” Echo asked Clarke.

                “No, of course not.”  Echo fell in step next to her.  They walked in silence for a few minutes.  Clarke was fairly certain that Diyoza was in the ship and headed in that direction. She tried to think of something to say but she and Echo had never been close.  And as much as she hated to admit it, it was difficult for her to be so near someone who knew Bellamy as intimately as she did. The wave of jealousy washed over her again but she quickly tried to push past it.

                “Thank you,” Echo said suddenly breaking the stillness.  “I know I haven’t said it before, but thank you for saving us all. If it hadn’t been for you and Bellamy, I wouldn’t be here.”

                Clarke flinched slightly at the way her voice softened when she said Bellamy’s name.

                “There’s nothing to thank me for,” Clarke said. “I’m sure you all worked equally hard to keep each other alive.”

                Echo nodded in agreement.  “Yes.  Everyone did their part to keep us alive but if it weren’t for you, we never would have even made it through the doors.  It was your sacrifice that saved us.  And that’s not something that should go unvoiced.”

                “It wasn’t a sacrifice,” Clarke said. “I’m alive.”

                “But it was,” Echo insisted.   “You were down here alone, left to deal with an empty world.  If it weren’t for you, I would have died because of my banishment along with everyone else left outside of the bunker.”

                Clarke didn’t know what to say. A thankful Echo was not something she was accustomed to so she continued walking.

                “Bellamy said things wouldn’t change when we got back to the ground,” Echo said.  Clarke again felt a twinge at the sound of his name.  She felt possessive of his name and didn’t know why.  Maybe it was because she and Madi had been the only ones to say it for all those years.  _You are being ridiculous!_  She chided herself.

                “I thought our biggest obstacle would be Octavia.  I did try to kill her multiple times. I held a sword to your throat.  I killed several of your people. It took Bellamy a long time before he would even look at me.  I mean really look at me, without that anger in his eyes.  It took him 3 years to start forgiving me.” Her voice was quiet.  “It felt like such a long time, especially stuck up there surrounded by nothing but darkness.  It’s depressing up there, you know that?”

                Clarke nodded. She’d felt that way often growing up on the Ark.  The stars always shone like little twinkle lights but the rest of the world felt like blackness, with the Earth the only glowing form of life.  Life out in space had never been easy but when it was all you had ever known, you didn’t know what you were missing.  The isolation of it all must have been more difficult to deal with for Echo and Emori as well.

                “It took another year for us to even be friends.  When you only have a handful of people to interact with daily, you become very close but you also start to get sick of each other.  But it wasn’t that way with Bellamy.  I always wanted to spend more time with him and every minute we spent together felt like a blessing. Like a moment of peace that I didn’t deserve.”

                “Echo,” Clarke said.  She didn’t know where Echo was going with the conversation but hearing about her relationship with Bellamy was like a knife in her chest.  It was a reminder that in those 6 years, Bellamy had had Echo there. Echo had been the one to comfort him when he was having a rough time or when he felt sad. When he was missing Octavia, wondering if he’d ever get back to the ground to see her again.  Echo had been able to hold his hand, to wrap her arms around him and tell him it was going to be ok.  Clarke saw it all too clearly in her head, she didn’t need to hear the details of it.

                “As much as I tried to convince myself that we were doing great, that everything would be fine, I always knew that it wasn’t,” Echo continued on as if Clarke hadn’t spoken.   “Even though he was always there, he wasn’t _all_ the way there.  A part of him was always missing.  I always attributed most of it to Octavia.  That he was missing her.  He put on a brave face for us all. He never let us see him in a moment of weakness. But we all knew.  We all knew that some part of him wasn’t there with the rest of us.”

                “Why are you telling me this, Echo?” Clarke stopped and turned to face her.

                “Because it was you.  It was _you_ not being there that kept _him_ from fully being there.  And as much as it was Octavia that he missed, it was you more.” Echo sighed sadly.  “I tried. I tried to fill that hole that you left.  I thought with time, that maybe he would be that same Bellamy from the ground. I thought that we would get back to the ground, he would have his sister back and then _he_ would be back.    But I realized that it was _you_ who made Bellamy who he was. That it was the constant of you just being there.  I tried being that constant for him.  It just never was what he needed. _I_ wasn’t what he needed.  You were.”

                “I don’t understand what you want me to do,” Clarke said.

                “Talk to him,” Echo told her.  “Things have been so crazy since we’ve been back. We didn’t expect for things to be so life and death. As soon as we stepped off the ring, we were deciding who lived or died as if no time had passed at all. Bellamy is in shock. I think a part of him still doesn’t fully accept that you’re alive.  It’s almost as if he’s afraid of believing it.   As much as I hated to admit it to myself, he needs you.  That’s the truth.”

                Clarke shook her head.  “I don’t understand,” she said again.  “You and Bellamy-“

                “Are no longer together,” Echo said. Clarke was a little taken aback by that.  “I ended things with him the moment he decided to tear off after you through a wasteland.  Do you think he would have crossed a dead land for me?”

                Clarke started to say she was sorry but Echo held up her hand.  “I don’t need apologies.  It’s just how things are.  How they always were, I guess. I was just too blinded to see it until now.  I knew this was coming. I just thought it would be the girl under the floor to tear us apart, not a dead girl.  Things change when the dead girl isn’t so dead anymore.”

                Clarke bit her lip. She didn’t know what to do.  Bellamy had had a chance to talk to her since he’d arrived but had almost been avoiding her since delivering the news of his sister’s soon to be arrival at Shallow Valley. He had opted to go hunting instead of talking to her. If he felt even a slight bit of what Echo was telling Clarke, then why wouldn’t he talk to her?  Had the time and distance pulled them too far apart?  Was it too late for them?

                “He’s afraid,” Echo told her, reading her face.  “He’s afraid that you’ll turn him away. That you don’t feel what he does.  It’s pretty obvious to everyone except you guys it seems.”

                Clarke raised her eyes to Echo’s.  “What’s obvious?”

                “That you have the biggest part of Bellamy.  Something I never did.  You have his heart.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy and a lake.

                The sun was setting when Bellamy and Madi made it back to camp. Some of the prisoners sat around having dinner at several of the tables that had been set up outside.   Diyoza and her inner circle were nowhere to be seen.  They ran into Murphy and the others, situated around a small fire, laughing. 

                Murphy looked up at their approach.  “Oh look who it is! It’s the-“

                “If you say hobbit, I’m going to throw a spear at you!” Madi exclaimed. She sat on a rock by Raven.

                Murphy held his hands up in surrender.  “Sorryyyy,” he said, drawing the word out. 

                “Where’s Clarke?” Bellamy asked, glancing around the group.  Echo’s eyes met his for a second before she looked away.  Bellamy felt guilty.  Whatever had happened between them, she didn’t deserve to be pushed away as he had done.  She didn’t deserve to be hurt but he also knew she deserved more than he ever would have been able to offer her.  When your heart didn’t belong to someone, there wasn’t really anything you could give them in place of it.

                Murphy nodded behind him, towards the woods.  “She’s by some stream that way.”

                “I know where it is,” Madi said, springing up.  “I can take you there.”

                Raven threw her hand out and grabbed Madi’s arm.  “I think Bellamy can find it,” she told the girl.  Madi just shrugged and sat down again.  Bellamy met Raven’s eyes for a second, nodded a thanks to her and set off into the woods.

                The sun was nearly gone beyond the horizon, casting the trees in long shadows.  He heard chirps in the woods, sounds of little creatures scurrying to their homes before dark fell.  He didn’t know exactly where he was going but the sound of water soon reached his ears.  It wasn’t long before he found the stream and followed its course downhill to where he thought he saw a small lake.  He stopped just short of the clearing.

                There she was.  Sitting at the edge of the small lake, her legs bare to her knees and emerged in the crystal clear water. She was staring down into it. He stood frozen.  He allowed himself this rare moment to study her.  Her hair was shorter and laced with red. It looked really good on her.  She had the same tank top on from the night he had first seen her and her jacket lay behind her.  Clarke leaned down and ran her hand through the water, the drops glistening on her hand in the last rays of light.  She was more beautiful than he could remember.  He had pictured her every night before he had gone to bed for fear that he would lose her memory and in the hope that he may dream of her.  He never thought he would ever see that face again in this life.  But she was really truly here in front of him.

                “Are you going to stand there all day or are you planning on joining me any time soon?” Clarke asked, not turning to look at him.

                Of course he should have known that she knew he was standing there.  He smiled and crossed the clearing to her.  She scooted over on the rocky edge to make room for him. Bellamy threw off his jacket and sat down next to her.

                “The water is great this time of day,” Clarke told him, eyeing his boots.

                Bellamy let out a slight laugh.  He pulled off his boots, rolled up his pants and put his feet in the water next to hers.  He watched her swing her legs back and forth slowly, causing little waves to lap against the shore.  At one point her leg lifted a little further out of the water and he noticed a nasty scar on her right leg.

                “What happened there?” He reached down and traced the scar with his thumb.

                Clarke’s gaze followed the line he drew on her skin.  “It’s how Madi and I met,” she told him. When she saw him frown, she added “It’s a long story.”  He hated that. He hated that there were so many stories now that he didn’t know.  So many things had happened to her in the time he had been gone and he hadn’t been a part of any of it.  _It wasn’t fair._ He felt like a little child feeling that way but he couldn’t help it.

                Bellamy scanned the area.  The trees were swaying in the slight breeze, ripples forming on the water. The birds were chirping their final songs for the day.  Clarke watched him take in her favorite place on Earth.  The place that had kept her alive.  She saw the wonder in his face, the same wonder she felt every day that she was here.  When the entire planet was dead except for a small unscathed area, then that area just held more beauty than you could ever take in and appreciate.

                “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Clarke asked him. Bellamy nodded and met her gaze.  He held her eyes for a moment before saying “It is.”   Clarke’s mind raced back to the night he had come home, when he had said _she is_ and had held her eyes in the same way. Those two words had conveyed so much and yet, she’d been so afraid of his reaction if she’d let him know how her feelings had evolved in the time they had been apart.

                They sat in silence for a bit longer, neither one speaking, each content just in the company of the other.  Reluctantly Clarke sighed and looked at Bellamy again.  “I guess we should start to head back.”

                “Yeah,” Bellamy nodded. “Or we could stay a bit longer,” Bellamy suggested. As she watched him, he slowly reached out and took one of her hands in his own.  He traced the lines on her palm with his thumb. Her breath caught in her throat at his gentle touch.  Bellamy put his other hand over hers.

                “Clarke,” he barely breathed.  Clarke’s heart beat faster. What was it about how he said her name that just set her heart racing?  And why did that suddenly make tears well in her eyes?

                Bellamy slipped her hand into his, lacing their fingers together. Clarke’s eyes flitted from their hands to his face, trying to grasp what was going on.

                “Clarke,” he tried again, his voice shaky. He raised his eyes to meet hers and she was surprised to see tears in his as well.  “I thought you were dead,” he managed to get out between shaky breaths. 

                Clarke nodded very slightly. “I know.”

                “No,” Bellamy said. “No you don’t.  I thought you were _dead_. I thought I had lost you _forever_.” He swallowed hard.  “I can’t explain to you what that did to me. I felt so lost without you.”

                “Bellamy,” Clarke said softly, hating how raw his voice was. How much pain she felt in those few words.  For her, there had always been hope that she would see him again but for him, her death was absolute final.  What did it feel like to see someone who had been nothing but a ghost to you for such a long time? Clarke put her free hand up to his face and cupped his cheek.  Bellamy leaned into her touch and brought his own hand up to cover hers.

                “I’ve missed you so much,” he said. He pulled her hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on her palm, keeping her hand pressed to his lips. He pressed his eyes closed, afraid of seeing her face. Afraid that she may push him away. That those years apart hadn’t affected her like they had him.

                The fear of her rejecting him increased when he felt her pull her hand away and shift further from him.  He opened his eyes and saw her reach behind her to her jacket.  She pulled the jacket into her lap, fumbling around in a pocket until she slipped out a piece of paper.   The jacket was thrown to the side again as she held out the folded paper to him.  He took it gingerly, studying her face.

                Clarke felt a tear slide down her cheek. “I missed you too,” she said. “More than you know.”

                “You did?” He asked in disbelief.  Clarke nodded to the paper in his hand.

                “Open it,” she said.  Bellamy unfolded the paper and was met with his own face staring back at him.  He couldn’t believe the detail in the drawing.  It was a pencil drawing of his face, a much younger version of him but him all the same.  The details about himself that Clarke had incorporated into the sketch were things he hadn’t ever even noticed.  The way his hair curled, the way his lip curved ever so slightly even when he wasn’t smiling and the way his eyes had a determined look to them.  How had she drawn this from memory?

                Bellamy met her eyes as he said “You drew me. That’s how Madi knew what I looked like.”

                “I thought I would forget what you looked like if I didn’t draw you.  But I could never forget you, not in a million years. I had to keep you with me because I didn’t know if I’d been in time to save you and when you didn’t come back after 5 years-“

                “I tried so hard,” Bellamy said.  “There was just no way we could make it.”

                “You don’t need to explain.  I know you came as soon as you could.”

                “It wasn’t soon enough,” Bellamy said.

                “You came right when I needed you the most, just like you always do.”  Bellamy pulled her hand back into his.

                “How do you do that?” He asked in amazement.  “How do you always have such faith in a screw up like me?”

                “You are not a screw up! And why wouldn’t I have faith in you?  Every single time I’ve needed you, you’ve been there.”

                “And what about now?  Do you still need me?”

                Clarke squeezed his hand.  “Always.  There isn’t a day that I’m alive that I won’t need you.”

                Bellamy couldn’t believe this was happening.  He couldn’t believe that Clarke was telling him things he only ever thought his mind could come up with.  He felt such joy in that moment.  He pulled Clarke to him and wrapped his arms around her. His left hand went around her waist and his right instinctively went to between her shoulder blades where his hand had always managed to get entangled in her hair.  With her hair shorter he wasn’t able to do that but his hand against her bare skin sent ripples through his body.  He felt her shiver under his touch.  Could he possibly have even an inkling of the effect on her that she did on him?  He buried his face in her neck and breathed in the scent of her.  Clarke was really in his arms.  He didn’t want to ever let her go.  If they could stay like this, in this very moment forever, he could die happily.

                Clarke held on tightly to Bellamy.  His arms around her felt like a safety net.  He wouldn’t ever let anything happen to her. She’d always felt that way around him, but this was something stronger. Something deeper between them.  Theirs was a connection that not even 6 years apart had been able to break.  Clarke pulled back slightly so she could look at him.  She put her hands on either side of his face and stroked his cheeks.

                “When we were sitting by the fire,” she said, unable to stop another tear from falling, “you asked me how I managed to stay alive alone and I told you that I’d had Madi.  But that wasn’t the entire truth. I had you too. I had you most of all.  It was probably a stupid thing to do because I was pretty sure that piece of crap radio didn’t work but I called you.  I called you on the radio every day that you were gone.  For-“

                “2, 199 days,” Bellamy finished for her.

                Clarke frowned. “How did you know?”

                “Madi told me.”

                Clarke laughed an ‘of course’ sort of laugh.

                “She told me when we were in the woods earlier.  She said it so nonchalantly, like it was no big deal.”

                “But it was,” they said together.

                “You kept me alive, Bellamy.  Talking to you kept me sane. In those first few months, you were all I had.  When I found Madi, I thought maybe now I could stop. That I didn’t need you as a lifeline anymore.  But I couldn’t.  I couldn’t stop talking to you because it kept you with me. I came SO close to giving up.  Oh Bellamy, you don’t know how close I was,” Clarke’s voice rasped out. The tears were flowing freely now.  “I can’t ever lose you again.”

                Bellamy pulled her to him again.  Clarke cried into his shoulder for all the times she had wanted to cry but had needed to hold it together for Madi. She cried in the comfort of his arms because she felt safe with him.  She’d had to be strong for so long but now, Bellamy lent her his strength.  His strength enveloped her and held her even closer than his arms were.

  
                “I’m not going anywhere.  I’ll never go anywhere without you again.” Bellamy promised her.  “I need you to know that Echo and I-“

                Clarke pulled out of his arms.  “Echo told me about you and her.”

                Bellamy put his finger under chin and tilted her head up so she would look at him.  “Echo and I were together but we’re not anymore.  I secluded myself for such a long time after thinking I had lost you.  I had to hold it together for everyone because you told me to use my head.  All I wanted to do was let my heart be broken and let myself feel the pain. Your voice kept whispering in my ear that I had to go on. It didn’t matter what happened to me but I had to make sure the others would be ok.  I’m pretty sure they all knew something was off but I thought I played the game well.  Forgiving Echo for all the things she had done was difficult but again, it was your voice that told me that hating someone for that long was futile.  What would it bring except more pain?  So I chose to let go of the hate and found myself starting to talk to her more.  I thought maybe now I could let go of the pain that wouldn’t leave me since your death.  Maybe Echo could bring me back to myself.   A big part of me thought that she had done it.  It wasn’t until I saw your face there on the ground in front of me that I realized nothing could have made me whole again.  Nothing but you.”

Bellamy reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks.  Their faces were mere inches away but to Clarke, it still felt like miles before their lips met.  Clarke wrapped her arms around his neck as his hand caressed her lower back.  Bellamy met her fever with his own, pulling her even closer.  His hand slid under the hem of her shirt, needing to feel the warmth of her skin against his own.

                Clarke pulled back slightly, breathing harshly against his lips. “Is this really real? I’m not dreaming?”

                “You feel pretty real to me,” Bellamy said, just as breathless. His hands at her skin sent shivers through her body.

                “I feel like I can’t breathe,” Clarke whispered.

                “Good,” Bellamy whispered as he leaned in close to her ear. “At least I’m not the only one.”

                Clarke turned her face towards him, as he planted the gentlest and most enticing kiss on her lips that she’d ever felt.  She’d had dreams of this.  Of his hands exploring her body, his lips traveling to the sensitive areas on her neck.  But the dreams didn’t even come near to the reality of Bellamy Blake in her arms.  All the pain, the suffering, the fear. It had all been worth it for this moment.

                His hand moved down to her chest and came to rest against her thudding heart.  “Your heart is pounding out quite a message,” Bellamy said quietly.

                “It’s talking to yours,” Clarke said just as softly.

                “And what does your heart say?”

                Clarke raised her hand and placed her palm on his heart. She looked at her hand on his chest and felt his heart beating as loudly and as fast as her own. Bellamy watched her lips curl into a grin that sent shockwaves through his head.  She raised her eyes to his.

                “Same as yours,” she told him.

                It felt like a dream.  Bellamy had spent years trying to come to terms with the fact that his best friend was dead.  Clarke had always been important to him.  He never knew when it had really started. That day when she almost fell into a grounder pit and he had saved her?  The day when he’d been trying to teach her how to shoot? Or maybe the day she closed the door of the dropship?  It didn’t really matter when she’d become more important than his own life because it felt as if she’d always been a part of his life. He couldn’t remember a day when he hadn’t had Clarke Griffin in his life.  What had his life been like without her?  Thinking she had died in Praimfaya had brought his feelings to the surface. All the what-ifs and what could have beens had she only lived.  He had tried so hard to accept that she was gone from his life and to move on but his heart had been so shattered.  Being with her now, feeling her heart beat under his palm, made him feel happy for the first time in what felt like forever.  He’d been fooling himself, tricking himself into happiness before. But this?  This was real. Clarke was real and she was more than he had ever hoped for.  He wasn’t broken anymore.

                Bellamy tugged on Clarke’s hand and pulled her down with him as he fell back, resting his head on the jacket behind him.  Clarke easily snuggled into the crook of his arms, her hand still on his chest.  Darkness had enveloped them without either one noticing. The stars shone brightly through the clearing in the trees.  They both stared up into the sky.  Bellamy brought Clarke’s hand up to his lips and kissed her palm again.  She smiled at the tingle of his beard.  They both glanced back up at the sky as a shooting star sped by. Clarke leaned up on her elbow so she could look down into his face.

                “That’s the first shooting star I’ve seen since before Praimfaya,” she told him, the joy all too clear on her face.

                “Must be a sign,” Bellamy said, reveling in the joy that brought her.

                She lay back down in his arms.   Clarke had fought her feelings for Bellamy for so long.  They were always at war, always doing what was best for their people.  They hadn’t gotten along at first but that had changed so quickly.  She didn’t know when Bellamy had gone from someone she was constantly arguing with to someone she could trust with her life.  The feelings for him had developed well before Praimfaya but she’d never let herself acknowledge them.  When Bellamy and the others had gone into space, she had been alone for 2 months.  Trying to stay alive had been the top priority and talking to Bellamy had been a huge part of that.  By talking to him on the radio every day, she had started to let herself open up to him and what she had been feeling.  She had not been able to deny what her heart was telling her anymore.   Those feelings for Bellamy had pushed through the wall she’d put around herself. Now here she was, wrapped in his warm arms.

Clarke was silent for so long that Bellamy thought she had fallen asleep but then she stirred and sighed loudly.

                “What’s wrong?” He asked, his fingers drawing circles on her skin at her back.

                “What’s going to happen now?  I mean Octavia is going to be here by tomorrow. I don’t know if Monty can do what he suggested so that we can save Diyoza and her people.  There may well still be a war that is fought here, in my home.  I don’t want to see it destroyed.”

                Bellamy kissed her forehead.  “I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Or how we make things right with Octavia.  Or even how you’ll help the prisoners.  But I do know that you will.  Somehow you always figure out a way, no matter what it is. Except now you don’t have to do it alone.  I’m here with you and we’ll figure it out together.”

                Clarke smiled. _Together._   Maybe he was right.  Maybe nothing else mattered except for that.

 

                                                The END…for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the story! I had a few people asking me to continue the story since Clarke and Bellamy just got together. I am unsure of how to handle Octavia at the moment but am working on it! When I figure out my problem, I may write a sort of sequel/continuation of the story. Thank you so much to all of you who took the time to read this!

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story I've ever been brave enough to post for others to read so I hope you enjoy it at least a little bit!


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